Writer Through Life...

That's all, folks...

2007-11-06T20:21:00.001-05:00

I started this blog in July of 2005. I've had my fun with writing in this blog for over two years now. I can't believe it's been that long since I first started. Every now and then, I'll go back and randomly read an entry from months ago, and it's interesting to see my thoughts over the past 2+ years.

In any event, I think I'm done with my blogging phase. This is officially my last entry - at least, my last entry for a very, very long time.

That's all, folks...

Good night =)

A few questions...

2007-10-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

1] Have you ever been in a relationship and thought someone else is good looking while in that relationship?

2] Have you ever been in a relationship and joked about being sexually interested in other people with your buddies/friends?

3] Have you ever been in a relationship and seriously been sexually interested in someone other than your 'partner'?

4] If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, have you ever talked to your partner about it?

These questions stemmed from a conversation today, and I'm curious to know what people's thoughts are.

'Forwards' are a waste of time

2007-10-02T18:01:00.000-05:00

So I received one of those ridiculous forwarded emails people seem to love sending for no apparent reason whatsoever, which gives you some silly message and then tells you at the end of it that if you don't forward it to a certain number of people, you will die, or be destined to a loveless life, or some other such nonsensical junk. Well, the forward I received today, rather than 'cheer me up' and 'create an optimistic outlook' as I'm sure was the intention of such a forward, pissed me off more than anything else. It included the following little attachment:

It did absolutely nothing other than piss me off beyond belief. As if even half of this is actually possible. We don't live in a Utopian world and honestly, things like this aren't worth passing around. Sure, it might make you feel entirely optimistic and enthusiastic upon reading it, but how many of us are ALWAYS happy, no matter what? How many of us ALWAYS forgive? I'm sure there are people who have seen this, and perhaps even thought to themselves it's a good way to go about life. I guarantee more often than not, in the moment, in a situation, not a single person sits there and follows any of the lines given above.

So the next time one of you decides to send a forward of the likes, seriously, think about it and do all of us a favour by not sending it. It's just a waste of time. For people who have any sense, they'll know it's impossible to uphold anyway, and for people who like to be idealistic and think they are optimistic, well that only lasts so long...of course, only until they are placed in a situation where they have to forgive their partner for cheating on them, love them anyway and keep smiling because grudges are a waste of perfect happiness and life is too short, and it's not something they can change anyway so it's better to just 'let go', not to mention, they should love what they've got and remember what they had.

Yeah. Ok. Whatever.

Google is 9 years old!

2007-09-27T21:18:00.000-05:00

It's Google's 9th birthday. Wow, has it really been that long already? Crazy, crazy, crazy.

Private & Personal

2007-09-14T11:16:00.000-05:00

I've gone back to keeping a personal diary. I used to do that as a young girl and actually, even in high school. It was almost always the only outlet I had. Things that I was so upset about, things that made me incredibly happy, incidents that occurred which made me think about things I didn't feel comfortable sharing with a single soul, my deepest and most personal thoughts - all of this went into my diary, and at the end of it, I would feel better. Letting it all out, good or bad, sharing it in some way or another, really helped me. It was the one place I could say whatever I wanted and know with 100% certainty that I would not be judged. Not that it matters, but it's, at least for me, naturally a more comfortable feeling to be able to keep things to yourself yet let it out at the same time.

Of course, I will continue blogging in reference to general topics and news events, just like I have always done.

It does feel good to go back to my diary though. I know that going back and reading some of what I wrote when I was younger was painful, but I also know how much it helped me then. I'm sure it will be the same way now.

Writing has always been one of my biggest outlets, and I think it will continue to be so.

I think that keeping this diary is going to keep me happy. Happier. Nobody else is going to be there more for you than yourself. I've been forced to realise that time and time again. This is just a component to helping me accomplish that, because it's what I'm most familiar with.

In the end, I'll be okay. I always have been, and I always will be. There is nothing I am more sure of than I am of that.

A lot of random things...

2007-09-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

Just because I didn't blog about 9/11 yesterday, does not mean a thing. It doesn't mean I forgot, it doesn't mean it doesn't matter. I thought quite a bit about it, and I think about it at other times, on other days as well. Not addressing it on that day does not mean anything. I still remember every detail of that day, and being so physically close to the incident was by no means easy on any level. That's that.

I'm feeling restless again. Not that there isn't enough to keep me occupied. There is that slight restlessness, combined with excitement over various things, while in other issues, I am experiencing a complete, emotional blackout, so to speak. It used to bug me when I heard people say they are feeling emotionless, but that is exactly what I experience more often than not these days. It's mildly strange, but not entirely unexpected actually. I think I saw this coming in some ways.

More than ever, I want to be back in the classroom. I can't stop thinking about it. There are things I know I would do differently if I could go back and do my undergraduate education all over again, but that said, I want desperately to get back into a strong academic environment. Law school, here I come...[hopefully]. I am absolutely craving the opportunity to be taught again, to have the chance to interact with peers, to get back into that intensely intellectual mindset, just really move forward into the next step in my life, and work towards establishing that very strong, full-time career in what I have been set on for quite sometime now. There are so many things I want to do in terms of career, and I am incredibly excited to go forth and have the chance to pursue all of that. Law school, teaching, and of course one of my big passions, continue my writing. It's a wonderful prospect to know that I can be immensely busy, intensely engaged and constantly working on something new, fun, and most importantly, brain-stimulating for as long as I possibly can. Sometimes, time drags and sometimes, it just does not go quickly enough... =)

Many things lately have got me thinking to a point, that I have sometimes stated, but not always meant. "It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, or says about me". Right now, I can actually very honestly sit back, think about this, and say it by putting every ounce of belief in that statement that I can possibly put into it. It doesn't matter what a single person says or thinks about me. What's important is that I know what I am and who I am. It's important that I learn from any mistakes I might have made, and bring myself to be the person I am completely happy with. Whether or not anybody else is happy with that person is not my concern. It feels so good to realise that and mean every bit of it.

In other news, I came across this article during my regular Internet browsing, about a five year old boy in Iraq who was burned with gasoline by masked men. It's absolutely dreadful to know that things like this are happening over there, and that children who really aren't even old enough to fully comprehend the state of some of these issues, are being thrown in the middle of it and forced to endure hardships that many people never experience after living a full life. Watch his video here. It's very unfortunate.

And then we have this in the news. A 9 year old mathematics prodigy finds college "too easy". Go figure. I wonder what specific courses he's taking.

As a closing statement, I had a mild panic attack when I saw the the license plates on all our vehicles were changed. Too much 'permanent assimilation' for me to digest.

I think that's enough randomness for one day.

Living with dead relatives...?

2007-09-05T15:14:00.000-05:00

I don't care how much money the woman had, it just doesn't seem very mentally stable to live in your home with your dead aunt in the next room for 12 months.

It's hard to see a dead corpse even for a few hours or a couple of days, but for a whole year?

Here is the article.

2007-08-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. I'm not sure I have even been this busy, ever. It's insane. I'm juggling so many things in so many different aspects of my life and I still have my sanity. Though I'm sure others beg to disagree with that statement =)

Sure, the stress is terrible sometimes, but I absolutely love it at the same time. I love juggling all of this, knowing I can, and still doing everything well. And, sure, it does mean minimal sleep but that's nothing I haven't adjusted to in the past, and it's definitely nothing I will have a problem with now.

Social butterfly or social whore?

2007-08-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I didn't want to say bad words here, but 'social whore' is just a phrase commonly used, to which I am referring. The concept of being social comes up everywhere. Certain types of jobs require you to communicate extensively with all different types of people. Starting from a young age, we see the 'clicks' break up in school: jocks, nerds, preps...these all contribute to the social breakdown of children within the school, which in turn determines popularity.

Is there a difference between the terms 'social butterfly' and 'social whore'? Is there a big difference, or just a very fine line?

I for one, think the two terms are very different. Personally, I started becoming very social at the start of college, went through a small period of withdrawal, and then returned to my largely social state. Prior to college, I wasn't very social at all. To me, being social does not indicate any sort of status, nor do I meet people just to expand my social circle and claim to know so many people. I like meeting people because different people teach me different things. I make friends from different parts of the country, either through an educational institution, through other friends, or through travel. I make friends through groups and organizations I am a member of. I learn different things about character, culture, and a variety of other things from each person. To me, meeting people is fun and interesting to me. Every person I have met so far is so different from me and from each other. Some are good to talk about technical things with, others are good to go out with and have fun, others are humorous and provide a good laugh, others are capable of helping me understand things such as another language. For that reason, I enjoy being social and communicating with many different people.

However, I do not consider all of these people 'close' or 'good friends' by any means. I do not open up easily to people, and I do not say too much to even people who I may consider 'close'. Many of my friends can vouch for that. Not too many people know my deepest, darkest secrets or the worst of my qualities or the most embarrassing moments in my life. Likewise, not many people know what makes me the happiest. The two or three people who do know this, are the people I consider closest to me and the people I feel comfortable sharing that with.

I had always liked helping people. I liked how it made me feel and I liked knowing that it made them feel good too. I did a lot of volunteer work when I was younger. I loved doing it. That was all part of being 'social'.

In any event, my point is that these are all 'positive' qualities [in as light a sense of the word] of being social. A 'social whore' is someone who is social merely [or mostly] for the status and for the attention. They are people who are social for the main purpose of expanding their 'social circle'. I have never been that, and will never be that.

I remember observing my father when I was younger, who had a certain air about him that made him so like-able to people. People wanted to know my father, and he was someone who enjoyed being social and knowing other people as well. The person who most exemplified the term 'social butterfly' to my knowledge was my grandfather. I knew he was incredibly social as long as I knew him, but the extent to which he was social really came out after he passed away. I was amazed at the connections he had, the people he knew, and how he managed to keep in touch with all of them and help all of them until he couldn't anymore. When I was younger, I wanted very much to be like him, and like my father, in more ways than one. Being social was a big part of it. It's something I was never able to do until going off to college, and once I finally got the hang of it, I didn't want to let go of it.

However, I've noticed I'm much less social these days. Perhaps a good part of it has to do with the fact that I am so far from any friend, even acquaintance who I know. However, I have noticed that even when I have opportunities to call friends and reach out to people and regain touch with those who I have not spoken to in sometime, I would rather not. Maybe it's just a phase, but I actually like having minimal touch with people these days.

Anyway, not to lose focus of the argument between 'social butterfly' and 'social whore'. Actually, I think I'm getting sleepy and starting to become incoherent, so I'll save the rest of what I have to say about this for some other time...

Sticks and Stones...

2007-08-23T15:03:00.000-05:00

I never thought words would ever hurt me. When I was younger, I always used to tell myself that very clichéd saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". I know, I know, me of all people who hates clichés had to tell myself that of all the things to tell myself. But, it's true. I was so confident that anything that anybody said to me could never hurt me. Not after what I had conditioned myself to handle.

I hate realising I was wrong, and that I can be hurt. It just depends on who is saying those words...

2007-08-22T10:14:00.000-05:00

I'll take some good news right about now. Anything good. Anything that will make me smile...

2007-08-17T17:41:00.001-05:00

SNAP

bumpy road

2007-08-05T17:44:00.001-05:00

What a royal flop!

Things really ought to get better fast. I think I'm about to snap. There is just far too much to deal with, and not enough of 'me' capable of dealing with all of it.

To sum it all up, we are not going to get the house we thought we were going to get, I'm having a ridiculously tough time trying to relocate and find a different job in a place where I will be satisfied, healthwise - let's not go there, and well, just everything personally and otherwise has hit rock-bottom.

I guess the bright side is that things really can only get better from here-on-in. I think with some time, a bit more patience, and some different decisions and committment, things will get better. It's just a rough obstacle, and that's all it is. I think I have a lot to look forward to. A lot of beautiful things to look forward to. Not to mention, quite a bit of 'excitement' to deal with presently.

At least I can very surely say, there is not a dull moment in my life right now =)

The 'sex talk'

2007-07-28T12:49:00.001-05:00

I had a great conversation this morning with my mom's youngest brother on the topic of sexual assault/rape and how these topics are dealt with today within the Indian society.

Though it was a good conversation, I was hoping he'd have some opposing thoughts on it so I could argue with him [I really needed a good argument!] but he agreed with me for the most part.

We were discussing how backwards the Indian society has become with respect to the topic of 'sex' and how silly it is that it is so taboo these days. Even the mention of it is not heard of, in both y-1 and y-2 generations.

My uncle was talking about the fact that 1000 years back, we had one of the most open societies. He mentioned some of the temples such as Konark, as well as a couple of similarly older temples, and how mindblowing it is to see the kinds of explicitly erotic sculptures carved on the temple walls for the public to view and worship.

As an idea of what he is talking about, here is a photo of one of the carvings:

We discussed how the Victorian influence of the 1800s, which is entirely prudish, somehow skewed the future generations.

My uncle made the point that even Penthouse and Playboy are nothing compared to some of the carvings in temples such as Konark. We had such a society very, very permissive, in which the King could pay sculptors to sculpt on the temple wall, scenes that porn magazines cannot click today.

It's quite unfortunate that discussing 'sex' in this society today is almost considered a crime. It's almost annoying to see the way topics of sexual assault and rape are handled by society today, and how it is portrayed in such a fashion that makes it uncomfortable for the younger generations to openly discuss these topics with their families, which can result in serious problems later on.

Hopefully it is something that changes in due time.

The cat's 'sixth sense'...?

2007-07-27T08:13:00.000-05:00

According to this news article, this cat at a Providence, RI nursing home is able to predict when someone is about to die. The doctors who work there are amazed because after years of medical experience and training, they have been wrong more often than not.

The article states that the cat somehow knows when someone is about to die, and goes and sits in their room, curls up on their bed, and waits.

Do you actually believe that the cat is able to detect it on its own, without following behaviour patterns of visitors and staff? Is there something that is released in the air by someone who is dying and the cat is able to detect those smells or chemicals?

I'm not sure how much of this is based on the cat observing and mimicking patterns of the staff, and how much of this is based on the cat actually able to detect the death of someone on it's own, independent of others' actions.

Bad

2007-07-26T19:29:00.000-05:00

Bad news...the Dow is suffering!

And more bad news... NASA claims that a worker cut wires inside a computer designed for use aboard the space station.

Not to mention...we have drunk astronauts going into space. Now there's an idea to make new discoveries!

And isn't this nice...the FBI intentionally withheld evidence of these four men's innocence.

How messed up can things get? Not that any of this isn't expected. Things have been corrupt in so many aspects for so long. Ah, well, it's just interesting sometimes to read about it.

Hinduism and the US Senate...?

2007-07-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

So I definitely thought the United States was about separating 'religion' and 'state', but had my doubts upon the stirring of gay rights and the strong opposition of gay marriage.

When I say 'religion', I definitely meant 'Christianity', the dominant religion in the United States and in the government.

Now who would've thought the Senate floor would open with Hindu prayers?

http://www.indolink.com/displayArticleS.php?id=071207093421

I know. I would never have guessed it either.

Costa Rica

2007-07-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

The country? Absolutely beautiful. In many ways, it reminded me of Hawaii, mostly because of the vast rainforests, the climate, and the volcanoes/craters/sulfur fumes I got to see once again. However, there were definitely some significant differences between the two places. Hawaii for example, had the ocean in sight every stretch of every drive.

Many people I talked to did not know where Costa Rica was located. It is one of the countries in the Central America strip - the portion of land that connects the United States and South America right under California. The country closest to the United States is Mexico, and the country closest to South America is Panama. The country contiguous to Panama to the north on the Central American strip is Costa Rica. [In reality, I actually dislike geography very much].

Anyway, the flight to Costa Rica was not nearly as long as I had assumed it might be about a week before the trip. It was just a short 5 hours and 15 minutes. The time-difference between the east coast of the United States and Costa Rica was just 2 hours. It was just a bit surprising when I made the realisation that the flight from Newark, NJ to San Jose, CA was between 7 and 8 hours. I tried to sleep on the plane, but that rarely works out in my favour.

We landed in Costa Rica in the most beautiful weather. It was warm and sunny with some clouds, and the humidity reminded me quite a bit of Chennai, India. Even the look of the airport, the people, and the coconut trees made me feel nostalgic for Chennai.

Our hotel was gorgeous. Unfortunately, they did not have any suites available for us, so we were involuntarily crammed into one room for five people. It's amazing we came out of the week without strangling each other.

Throughout the week, travelling through San Jose, Costa Rica's capital, along with the drives through the countryside and more remote areas deeper into the country was interesting. Throw a few cows onto the roads, and a couple more motorcycles, and you've got yourself a mock Chennai. Yes, I realise I have said that more than just once or twice in the past couple of paragraphs, but it was amazing how much the countries resembled each other. The look of the houses - concrete with steel gates in the front, the size, shape, and construction of the windows, the set-up of the shops, the bargaining in the stores, the street vendors, everything just made me miss India incredibly.

We enjoyed the boat rides on the Sarapiqui River which gave us the opportunity to view the wildlife in the rainforests including various species of birds, bats, frogs, monkeys, agouti, coati, crocodiles, and much more. We had the chance to ride horseback into the mountains/rainforest, after which we had the distinct opportunity to swing from tree-to-tree and walk across [or for me, jump across and scare the rest of my family behind me into thinking they were going to fall off] suspension bridges hooked from one tree to another, several hundred feet apart from each other. It was an opportunity that we would not have gotten in many other places, and a great way for us to see the rainforest and experience it from the point of view of the monkeys =)

We went to a couple of the big volcanoes in the country, including the Poas Volcano which was about an hour from San Jose, and the Arenal Volcano area which was a good 3-4 hours away. The Arenal Volcano area was unfortunately visited on a very foggy day, so there were only a couple of times we had the chance to see the top of the volcano. What was disappointing was that I know that it is currently active, and on a clear/visible day, we may have had the chance to see with our own eyes some of that activity. That is something I definitely would have liked to see.

During our visit to the Arenal Volcano area, we also visited the Tabacón Hot Springs resort, a resort that was made in order to take advantage of the naturally hot mineral water that came out of the ground because of the volcanic region. Tabacón Resort’s Hot Springs are 97% rain-based and 3% magma-based. Rainwater enters the earth through fissures on the surface and is then heated by magma found in the earth’s core. Once the water is heated, it then rises to the surface and takes minerals found in the earth. Therefore, the hot springs are filled with minerals. There are several chemical, physical and biological effects of the hot springs, that ultimately improve a human's skin, regulate a person's bloodstream, encourage muscle relaxation, and helps the skin repair itself from otherwise naturally ocurring events such as aging.

We also had the opportunity to visit one of the largest coffee plantations in Costa Rica, where we learned how coffee is grown, processed and ultimately sold/exported. The coffee business, though it used to be Costa Rica's number one source of economic prosperity, it is no longer in the number one spot and is not responsible for about 12% of the Costa Rican economy. Today, the number one source of economy is tourism.

The La Paz Waterfalls were also quite beautiful, and were a nice way to wrap up the 'tourist' part of our trip. They were comprised of 5 main naturally ocurring waterfalls which today are owned by a couple in Miami, Florida.

The last day of our trip was spent lounging around the hotel, me, my brother and my cousin getting on each others' nerves, and ending the day with a gorgeous evening in San Jose and a Middle Eastern dinner.

I can't emphasize enough how much fun I had practicing Spanish. I was actually quite surprised at how much I was able to communicate with native speakers considering we had very little speaking practice when taught in school. Reading and writing is not a problem at all for me, but speaking I always thought would pose as a problem. I was pleasantly surprised! Many natives seemed to think I was a native Spanish-speaker if not a native Costa Rican, which wasn't a shock since I've been mistaken for 'Spanish' in the past as well.

By the end of the trip, it was somewhat strange, because my thoughts were formed this convoluted twist of Spanish, Tamil and English. There were times that I would want to say something in Tamil and accidentally say it in Spanish, and so on.

All-in-all, the trip was fabulous. The following week was spent in California, and now, I'm back to my usual work routine. It had to end sometime =)

The next big step...

2007-06-20T16:55:00.001-05:00

Well, the move from the north to the south has finally been 'solidified' so-to-speak. After a long, stressful process of finding a house down here, we finally found one we could all agree on, and moreover, one that the sellers agreed to sell to us for the price we suggested.

Below are the photos of the house from the outside:

Though you can't see from these photos, we have a beautiful creek in our backyard which is quite private, and a really nice place for someone like me who likes the outdoors, where I can go and sit and either read, or write, or paint, or do something that I like to do.

It's a beautiful, spacious house, which sits on a 1-acre piece of property and resides in a million dollar neighbourhood. Living there should give me the space I need. I'm quite excited about this!

Now for all the rest of the stuff that follows an agreement to the contract - working with our attorney, having an inspector check the house, go through the closing, and FINALLY take our things out of storage and move!!

After a really, really horrible couple of weeks, this was a nice breather. It's always refreshing to get some speck of good news amongst a pile of bad bits. =)

Johnny Depp in "Shantaram"...!!!

2007-06-19T21:34:00.001-05:00

All right, so for all who do not know yet, let me start by saying, I LOVE Johnny Depp. I think he is a superb actor, and Pirates of the Caribbean is one of my all-time favourite movies. In fact, I watched it again just a few days ago and laughed as hard as I did the first time I watched it.

I just happened to be doing some browsing, and I happened to discover that Johnny Depp is going to be acting in an upcoming Indian film by Mira Nair!! [For those who don't know, Mira Nair was the director of films "Salaam Bombay!", "Mississippi Masala", "Monsoon Wedding", and most recently, "The Namesake"].

She will be starting the production of "Shantaram" starring Johnny Depp and featuring Amitabh Bhachan in the fall of 2007! I was incredibly excited to learn this and can't wait to see Johnny Depp starring in an Indian film.

"Shantaram" is a film based on the book written by Gregory David Roberts [also titled "Shantaram"], who wrote the book based on his real-life experiences. Check HERE for the plot summary.

I'm so excited! Did I mention, Johnny Depp is an absolute class act? Now that, placed in an Indian film...Mira Nair may just have discovered something...

Duke lacrosse prosecutor disbarred

2007-06-18T12:07:00.000-05:00

District Attorney Mike Nifong violated more than a dozen ethics rules in prosecuting the case against three Duke lacrosse players. The three students, Reade Seligmann, Collin Finnerty and Dave Evans, were accused of sexually assaulting an escort-service dancer at a party in March 2006.

This hit closer to home for my brother than it may have for most people. One of the students had attended the same high school as my brother, and was just one year his senior. My brother was acquainted with him, and from the first day this case started back in March of 2006, had vehemently opposed it and knew so surely that at least that particular student was innocent.

Two DNA tests found no match between any of the three men and evidence in the case, but Nifong, who was up for re-election as district attorney at the time, pursued the prosecution anyway.

Disciplinary committee chairman F. Lane Williamson said that racially inflammatory remarks Nifong made last year "were to further his political ambition." The three athletes are white, and their accuser is black. Nifong was re-elected in November.

The bar committee found Nifong lied to the judge in the rape case about whether he knew of any evidence that would exonerate the defendants.

Nifong told the court on Friday that he would resign as district attorney regardless of what the committee decided. In any event, Nifong has now been permanently disbarred.

If you ask me, he deserves that completely. Knowing that the students were innocent, and lying to the judge when requested to come forth with anything that would prove the students were innocent is not ethical especially when it is crucial as a part of your job to go by these certain rules.

It's ironic. Practicing law, then making such big mistakes as someone in the position of district attorney, enough to get disbarred.

I guess that's why they call it 'practicing'.

Indian-Chinese business deals

2007-06-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

"Chinese people and Indian people cannot do business together because Indian people can't get along without a bargain, and Chinese people cannot give you a bargain. Their objective is to get every penny from you. And ours is to keep every penny." - Russell Peters

Yep, I am experiencing the full truth of this comic, yet entirely true statement this week. Seriously, you would think that after trying to sell something desperately for 2+ years, someone would be willing to sell it, even if it was below their obnoxious, stubbornly high price, yet still reasonable. Nope...not this Chinese family.

Unfortunately, it's not nearly as hilarious when you are experiencing the brunt of it in reality!

What's 'height' got to do with it??

2007-06-11T20:18:00.000-05:00

Apparently, how tall a man is can significantly affect how successful they are in the business world.

My thoughts?

That's absolute bogus. Seriously. How can height be THAT much of an influence over how you perform at work? Yes, I understand the appeal for a taller man, but I thought that was true more for what a woman looked for in a man than what other businessmen looked for in businessmen.

I have a huge problem in general with a lot of these 'studies' that are done. I think some of them are pretty shady. Honestly, how many men do you all know who are short and successful? I know so many! And 'success' I know is measured in different ways. I'm using the 'general' definition - those who are in high positions at work. Almost every older, Indian man I know is in such a position, and let me tell you, some of them are not too much taller than I am, and I'm generally considered to be on the shorter side.

I find it annoying that people say height has so much influence over 'success', rather than your intellectual ability to perform, including your processing power, your knowledge, and your ability to converse and communicate with people. What's the point in being tall and 'pretty' to look at, when you are really not as 'smart' as others who are shorter, and in general more qualified to be in high positions?

And this better not have anything to do with females...

Done

2007-06-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

There's no relationship left...

Being 'emotionally spent' probably doesn't 'help' the situation...

Now the hard part...accepting it...

Murder by a teddy bear!

2007-06-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know, the title itself is ridiculous. But look at this article.

In short, the article describes a scenario with 4 male students who create a film starring a group of stuffed animals, where an 'evil teddy bear' orders other stuffed animals to murder a teacher who coincidentally has the same name as the students' real-life math teacher.

To be honest, when I first saw this, just the idea of the film struck me as comically absurd. I wanted to break out in laughter. Just look at the title of the article: Teacher sues kids over teddy bear movie. Seriously, it's absurd. This is what makes the news these days.

Actually, this whole issue got me to thinking about how many times I have heard people around me express 'hatred' for a teacher or professor, and how many times I have heard comments about how happy they would be if the teacher 'crashed his/her car and died' or something else of the sort. The only difference between what these students say and what the boys in this news article did, is the fact that one group only voiced these comments, and the other group actually expressed it in a visual format.

The article fails to state how old these four boys are. The age may/may not make a difference in this case. Surely, it would provide a few more arguments both supporting the boys and going against them.

I wonder how seriously this movie would have been taken had it been 10 years ago. It seems recently, the slightest violent notion, if caught, is turned into a largely dramatic case due to a combination of world/national/local events revolving mostly around terrorist acts that have dramatically increased today.

ha!

2007-06-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

Now, isn't this just what every desi girl needs to know!

Depressed? Well, here's just the right solution! Go get married!

Haha, how fitting.

Tough...

2007-06-03T08:47:00.000-05:00

It's tough to be questioned on the things that you are most particular to tell the whole truth about because they have enough meaning to you, whether or not the other side cares...

And it's even tougher when there is something about you that made them question it, and you have no idea what it is, and probably won't ever know.

It's the toughest to push that aside and continue a fully normal relationship with people who make you feel that way.

I suppose, you have to somehow do it...right?

Yea...right...

?

2007-06-01T12:43:00.000-05:00

hm...

Things don't really seem to be adding up. Something one person says doesn't match what the other says. Possible that those who are close to you, and possible that things you took for granted about them, may need to be reassessed?

I am just going to walk away from it. No point in figuring out these dilemmas now.

Hawaii!

2007-05-30T21:22:00.000-05:00

So how many of you have been to Hawaii? It is absolutely gorgeous! I wanted to have my pictures on my computer by now, but unfortunately, I don't have them yet. Leave it to my brother to forget the digital camera [practically the only thing he was responsible for bringing]. Therefore, we had to get a disposable camera with just 27 exposures, which automatically meant that my family insisted on keeping it far from my reach throughout the trip simply because they knew if it landed up in my hands, we'd go through a camera or two per day, and my parents, being the cheap South Indians that they are, weren't about to go past camera #1.

In any event, let me just say, I've seen stunning pictures of Hawaii. I've seen the turquoise water, I've seen the tall cliffs and the crashing waves, I've seen the surfers, I've seen the volcanoes. I always felt that most of the pictures taken of any location and placed in travel brochures and websites had been touched up to give a more glamorous, desirable appeal. My trip to Hawaii was one of the few trips I have taken where I felt that not even those pictures did justice to the beauty of the place. I was awestruck to see the water really was that colour and the palm trees and the volcanoes and everything else that came with Hawaii was in reality far more splendid than any photo could ever capture.

A more detailed entry with pictures and descriptions to come soon!

Unwanted Burden

2007-05-30T21:18:00.000-05:00

You don't have a clue, and you never will. Not that it even matters. It doesn't. Sometimes, just for my own sake, I wish you had a clue. Just for my own relief. I don't like carrying the burden of it by myself. So for selfish reasons, I wish you knew sometimes. But, again, not like it matters.

It just becomes difficult at times. And you, nor anyone else knows even a small fraction of it. Mostly because it wouldn't make sense unless you were me, and unless you knew everything that had happened. But you don't. And you won't. And I suppose it's always going to be like that. Perhaps it's better like that.

It's just hard right now. Hopefully just for a short while, but...it is.

roller coaster accident

2007-05-05T09:42:00.000-05:00

This is unfortunate. Roller coasters are supposed to be fun and exhilarating, not cause for worry. It can be scary if you're a roller coaster freak like I am, but what are you going to do? Stop riding roller coasters because of an accident that occurred on one of them? No point in that.

Not sure what to title this with...

2007-05-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

No idea what's going on. No idea what to think about so much. Trying to stay as far away from these thoughts and drown myself with everything else 'busy'.

Is it working?

Not too well for now...

ugh.

I want to be able to go back to when problems like this didn't exist for me. I want to go back to having normal conversations which weren't occupied entirely with this.

ugh...

2007-04-26T09:37:00.000-05:00

ugh...that's all I have to say...

Things are hard enough sometimes, and you tell yourself it's ok, they'll get better, and in the meantime, you have some positive things to focus on...yeah right, who are you kidding...annoyingly, they just keep getting worse too...

Well, whatdya do right? Tell yourself it will all get better...sometime...eventually...and keep yourself as ridiculously busy as you possibly can...some of these things are not worth the time of day or night...

Idol Gives Back...

2007-04-25T20:17:00.000-05:00

I believe strongly in trying to help out those less fortunate than us, and those in developing nations or nations struck with poverty. Sure, it's not going to be possible to help all of them. But even the smallest effort makes a bigger difference than we know. Ever since I was in middle school, I've done quite a few different things as volunteer work/charity work...I think it's a great way to spend your time, and the gratitude those who are being helped showed gives you such an amazing feeling...

I've recently gotten into watching "American Idol", the 'singing talent' show. Tonight was their two hour special, "Idol Gives Back". It was basically a charity show to raise money for the disadvantaged children in the world - be it abroad or right here in the United States. It's unbelievable how much a dollar can do for impoverished.

I know, this is not anything new. Most of you already know this. But the effect it can have on you when you see it first hand, before helping or after helping, is really something that cannot be explained.

I cannot emphasize enough how much someone can help just by donating ten dollars. It takes two seconds...

If you want to donate through American Idol, donate here: https://www.idolaid.com/

If you want to know what will be done with that money, visit this website: http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback/

I really think it's the least some of us can do...

No more marriage proposals

2007-04-22T17:33:00.000-05:00

All right. For every single one of you who keep sending 'eligible bachelors' my way, I have a request. Please stop. I am officially taking myself off the market I sort of involuntarily got thrown into. Capiche? Excellent.

Harder...

2007-04-13T00:46:00.000-05:00

I thought it would get better...but it's not...it's harder...so hard...

Beautifully 'perfect'...

2007-04-10T11:24:00.000-05:00

A night and half a day to myself in a very nice hotel room followed by a fantastic evening with a very good dinner and watching the movie '300'...

A big, filling breakfast followed by hiking and rock climbing in the mountains of Arkansas, a great view at the top of the mountain, climbing back down and racing against time/darkness, coffee at Starbucks, driving around, 'the departed'...

And, not to mention, very, very, very good company, amazing sleep in a really nice, warm hotel bed, two free nights of accomodation, good conversation, lots of laughs, lots of memorable moments, and overall, the absolute most amazing weekend since I came here in January...

Beautiful...

Then reality hit, and brutally so...

Except...

Everything I just said was a reality too...and that realisation is so damn satisfying...

What do Fifth Graders do?

2007-04-04T09:38:00.000-05:00

5th grade is made up of a bunch of 11-year olds and 12-year olds who are in general, quite carefree. There isn't a whole lot to worry about as an 11-year-old. Kids usually spend their time goofing around with friends on the playground, riding their bikes, or hanging out at home doing homework or spending time with their parents, brothers and sisters.

Of course, 5th graders wouldn't have sex...or so I thought. I read an article this week which talked about four 5th grade students who were having sex with each other in a classroom at school, in front of other 5th grade students in the class. Two girls, both 11 years old, one 12-year-old boy, and one 13-year-old boy were caught for the act.

The article is located here.

It's really quite sick in my opinion. I don't understand the necesity for a 5th grader to have sex, or a 6th, 7th or 8th grader for that matter. It's absurd. I didn't even learn what sex was until the end of 5th grade through a required educational program in my school. We didn't learn about safe sex practices until 12th grade, where we had a routine Health class during which we "raised" a fake baby with a "spouse", someone assigned to us in class. This is because it's expected that teenagers wouldn't even think about indulging in such an act prior to that age. I understand people have had sex in high school; in fact, I personally know people who have. But 5th grade? There's something wrong there...

Apparently a teacher was not present in the classroom, and when nobody showed up, the kids decided to have sex. There have been times in grade school when a teacher hasn't shown up, and of course, we all have "goofed off", walked around the hallways even though we weren't supposed to, chatted instead of doing our work, and other fairly harmless things. Never once, not in 5th grade, not in high school, did anyone decide to have casual sex because a teacher didn't show up.

I heard about a 12-year old girl last week, who was the youngest girl to get a DNA exam. She had a baby, and at the time of conception, she had been having sex with two different guys, both a year or two older than her. It's just sad to know that there are kids who dare to do such things and put themselves in such positions. How can a 12-year-old be capable of being a mother or a father, when he/she himself/herself is just a child?

It's pathetic.

Today...

2007-03-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and had some coffee. I had some coffee and got some work done. I finished that work, and looked out my window. I looked out my window, then got up and opened the door, and stepped out for a minute. I stepped out for a minute and realised it was one of the most gorgeous days I had been outside for the past few months, yet. I realised it was such a gorgeous day, put on my sneakers, and decided to go out for a run. I decided to go out for a run, and went for a long, long, long one. I went for a long, long, long run and came home. And it felt damn good. Drinking coffee, concentrating on some work, and going for a run...I'm almost certain that 98% of you who read this have no idea how damn good that felt. Damn good...

Shooting at RPI...

2007-03-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

Needless to say, it was a bit nervewracking to hear just a short while back that my college's campus had been shut down because there was a shooting. One person is dead. I'm waiting to hear more updates.

Read about it here.

Bob Woolmer's murder

2007-03-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

I know I mentioned the murder of Pakistani cricket team coach Bob Woolmer in my last post, but it looks like now, the Pakistani team is suspected to have been involved in his murder [yes, it's been determined he was definitely murdered as a result of 'manual strangulation'].

It has been reported that police are interviewing every member of the Pakistan cricket team individually as part of their investigation into the death.

Gill, Bob Woolmer's widow, said "Some of the cricketing fraternity, fans are extremely volatile and passionate about the game and what happens in the game, and also a lot of it in Asia, so I suppose there is always the possibility that it could be that." She felt it was a definite possibility for Woolmer to have been murdered, but not a possibility under any means that he had taken any illegal drugs or had committed suicide.

The Jamaica Observer and the Jamaica Gleaner both reported today that Mr Woolmer's death had been violent. The Observer said he had marks on his throat and that bones in the lower part of his face were broken, while the Gleaner said there was a broken bone in his neck.

It will be incredibly unfortunate if it turns out that members of the Pakistani cricket team were responsible for Bob Woolmer's murder.

India + Cricket...

2007-03-23T20:09:00.000-05:00

don't seem to have gotten along too well lately. Really, what is there to say? India's overall performance has been nothing aside from pathetic.

Take the India vs. Bangladesh game. Three of Bangladesh' players passed 50. In the end, Bangladesh beat India by five wickets. FIVE! In the past, Bangladesh had beaten India only once out of fourteen meetings. That makes this loss for India even worse.

Of course, India did beat Bermuda by 257 runs after the game versus Bangladesh, which was necessary if they wanted to avoid an incredibly embarrassing 'first round exit' from the tournament [ahem...Pakistan].

But hey, it wouldn't have mattered much because now, India is out of the World Cup after their pathetic loss to Sri Lanka today, who beat India by 69 runs. It was dreadful, sitting through that game and watching it. So many times I wanted to pull myself away from the screen, but kept coming back in hopes of a miracle turn-around.

Of course, this World Cup has turned up with many surprises, including the shocking death of Pakistani coach Bob Woolmer. After Ireland unexpectedly defeated Pakistan [I don't think I saw that coming], Woolmer was found lying on the floor of his hotel room unconscious. It seems it is unclear exactly how he died, but murder was a possibility.

The only chance India has now of getting back into the World Cup is if Bermuda beats Bangladesh. Now I'm not going to comment on that beyond this: Bangladesh murdered India last week. India murdered Bermuda. Now, sure, I can't quite apply the transitive property in a case such as this, and making these statements may not be a strong indicator of how things will go between Bangladesh and Bermuda, but at this point, I don't feel very optimistic.

Well, I suppose we'll all just wait and see...

New leopard species

2007-03-15T22:19:00.000-05:00

How gorgeous is this animal?

The colour and the rosettes on the animal are striking. Check out that article.

Calling all males

2007-03-14T22:04:00.000-05:00

All right, I have a question for all you males out there. A conversation I had just a short while back triggered a thought, and now I want to know what guys have to say about it.

So it's a "known fact" that most guys end up watching pornography at some point in their lives, whether some of us women like it or not. However, my big question is this: even if a guy is in what would be termed as a "relationship", does he watch pornography, even if it's not on a regular basis?

I realize this isn't quite something that can be generalized, and that it's a question for which the answer will vary from person to person.

And the second part of my question is, how many of you guys will honestly tell the girl you are "with" if you are watching pornography on the side, regardless of how infrequent it is?

And suppose you are watching pornography on the side, but at the same time, you claim to love your girlfriend/loved one/significant other, whatever you call the other person. How does that work?

Feel free to comment on this anonymously if you'd rather nobody know who you are =)

Far away...

2007-03-13T14:59:00.000-05:00

I don't want to go to NJ. I don't want to go to NY. I don't want to go to India. I don't want to go remotely close to anyone or anything I know. I want to go far away, by myself, and stay there forever. Ironically, I think that's what will make me happy.

I don't want anyone or anything. I don't need anyone or anything. I'm past all this.

abbreviating words online

2007-03-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

The type of language used while chatting online or sending casual/personal emails is so different from the way we write anything else. Abbreviations/acronyms have become such a norm. I cannot remember the last time anyone typed out "I will talk to you later" at the end of a conversation. Nowadays, all we get is a "ttyl". "lol" is used to tell someone you are "laughing out loud" and "rotfl" is used in place of "rolling on the floor laughing" to tell the other person how funny something is.

Sure, some of these are fine. But seriously, people have to stop writing the word "come" as "cum". It's beginning to get a bit ridiculous. "Cum" has one less letter than "come". How hard can it be to write the actual word? Almost everywhere, I see sentences such as "Are you cumming?" and "cum fast!" and "I want you to cum now". I think it's beginning to get a bit much...

Just write the actual word. It's not a big deal.

Try...

2007-03-03T22:08:00.000-05:00

Try not to plan things too far ahead, and try to have as few expectations as possible...

Things are usually better that way anyway.

Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T01:03:00.000-05:00

So, it's February 14th. Valentine's Day. Honestly, I think the day is completely unnecessary and a whole bunch of bogus. No, I'm not a bitter, single woman saying that. My opinion on the day wouldn't change even if I was married.

Think about the "idea" of the day. Couples plan for days, maybe even weeks to surprise their sweethearts/loved ones with gifts and undivided attention for one day. One day. One day out of 365 days in a year. Does anyone else find that pretty ridiculous?

Seriously, you shouldn't have to go out of your way on one designated day to say "I love you" to someone. It all seems sort of silly. I feel the exact same way about Father's Day or Mother's Day for example. It's like saying, "Mom, dad, thanks for everything you've done for me all my life. I'm going to honour your role as my mother/father on this one day by purchasing a cheap gift that happened to be part of the Mother's Day/Father's Day sale at the mall because that's how thankful I am to you." Honestly, it seems pretty ridiculous.

And with that, Happy Valentine's Day.

yet again...

2007-02-12T02:29:00.000-05:00

It's always bothered me. It's something I've never accepted. In fact, I hate it. "Hate" is a strong word. I know. I rarely use the word. This however, is one of those rare cases.

I kept quiet about it at first. Then I showed my dislike, and quite evidently too. Then, I said I would stop showing it. I kept it to myself. I tried to compromise with myself and I tried to "become okay" with it. For some reason though, I just couldn't come to terms. After trying to deal with it internally for so long, I'm beginning to realize no matter what I try, I'm never going to be "okay" with it. It's just one of those things that I feel so strongly about, there's no changing my mind.

But, if I can't come to terms with it, what kind of decision does that leave me to make? I hate letting this affect me so much, and frankly, there's no other way to stop it other than to "let go". But I can't seem to "let go" either. I don't want to "let go", but I can't keep going through this either.

I hate it. I'm not okay with it you know, I'm really not okay with it. And now, I don't know what to do. I really don't. It's all just easier said than done. I'm usually good with this sort of "dilemma". This is just one of those rare times when I am just not okay.

physically messed up

2007-02-12T01:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not quite sure at the moment what my body is trying to do to me. It has been three weeks since I've slept properly. I've tried applying every possible "sleep" technique in the book. At least, I've tried applying every single technique I know of in the book. I'm not having my luck though. Half the time, I lie wide awake until 4 or 5 in the morning. Then, I try and force myself to sleep, only to wake up again shortly after either because I have to, or because I cannot sleep any longer. I'd call myself a narcoleptic, if it weren't for the fact that I am wide awake during the day. It's quite pathetic actually.

To top it off, I've lost my appetite. I find that I am rarely hungry, and I have to literally force food down my throat. I'm not quite sure what my body is going through, but whatever it is, it can't be a good thing.

Well, hopefully everything falls into place soon. Hopefully.

My bit of nostalgia

2007-01-27T17:25:00.000-05:00

It's rare I get nostalgic about things, but yes, it happens to the best of us........

I found myself flipping through the channels, which led me to ABC - figure skating. Watching it reminded me of watching the winter olympics last year sometime around this time, maybe a couple weeks after this time last year. So much was happening at that time.

Wow, a lot really did change that semester...but it was absolutely amazing.

Though that is not all I have to say about that, that is all I will say about that...

We got our first woman candidate, we got our first African American candidate...now our first Hispanic candidate?

2007-01-21T15:30:00.000-05:00

This just keeps getting more and more interesting. I wonder what candidates will pop up on the Republican side of this "game".

Click here to read the CNN news article

I watched a ABC news interview with him this morning, in which Bill Richardson said he is absolutely not interested in becoming vice president. If he is not voted as the Democratic candidate to run for presidency, he will go back to New Mexico and complete the remaining 4 years of his term there as governor.

More to come later.

Hillary Clinton running for president!!

2007-01-20T14:00:00.000-05:00

Too much excitement for one week. She finally launched her much awaited bid to take over the White House. Now, our first woman president, or our first African-American president?

...Or a president-vice president duo?

Click here to read the article

Now, to sit back and enjoy the show...

Barack Obama of Illinois to run for president!

2007-01-17T14:38:00.000-05:00

Well, it's about time we had a minority candidate run for presidency. Senator Barack Obama launched a presidential campaign on Tuesday, which would make him the first African American, if elected, to be president and occupy the White House.

I think the United States definitely needs someone new to take things into his/her hands and bring people's spirits back up. The war in Iraq is something so many people are against. With Bush having the lowest ratings in the history of the presidency, it's definitely a good thing for people to begin directing their attention to the new faces who might be leading our country a couple of years from now.

He's only spend a little more than 2 years in the Senate, which may work against him since his experience is less than others [for example, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton who as of yet has not announced her decision to run for presidency].

Speaking of which, it should be quite interesting if Hillary Clinton launches a bid as well.

Senator Barack Obama, the first African-American president, or Senator Hillary Clinton, the first woman president? That should be an interesting debate, to say the least...

"2 birds killed with 1 stone" ... or 2 kids found in 1 shot ... same thing

2007-01-13T19:47:00.000-05:00

Two boys kidnapped four years apart and found in the same suburban St. Louis apartment smiled shyly but said nothing to media at two hug-filled news conferences Saturday, a day after they were rescued.

Unbelievable, isn't it? One boy, Ben Ownby went missing just this past Monday, and the second boy, Shawn Hornbeck, disappeared when he was 11 years old, now 15 years old. His mother was so emotional, addressing how her boy had "grown up on her".

It is so rare that a boy missing for 4 years shows up one day. The most unbelievable part of all of this, is that cops were not even in the area to look for the boys. They were there at the same apartment complex with a warrant to arrest someone else for murder. It was when they spotted the same rusty white Nissan pickup truck another boy described as the vehicle racing off at the site where Ben Ownby had been kidnapped on Monday, that they took pictures and went in to investigate.

Lo-and-behold, after getting a warrant and going into the apartment, they found Ben Ownby. That was joyous enough. Then when Shawn walked out and identified himself as Shawn Hornbeck, the boy who had gone missing four years ago, nobody could believe the incredible coincidence.

Not everyday you hear about something like that...and it's always nice when you do.

My celebrity look-alikes

2007-01-06T17:20:00.001-05:00

Don't ask. My friend Jayashree submitted my picture on www.myheritage.com and it came up with the celebrity look-alikes that you see there. Just a little time-waster when you are bored.

I know, I know, it's not like me to do something like this...I blame it all on Jayashree!

http://www.myheritage.com

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T11:24:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year to all! Hopefully 2007 turns out to be a pleasant and rewarding year.

My New Year's Eve/early New Year's day was spent at the Ranganatha Temple and with good company, so can't quite complain about that.

Time to keep myself busier than I have ever been...partly because I want to, and partly because I have to...

Anyway, not much of a point to this blog entry other than to wish you all a very happy new year. Have fun!

Saddam Hussain hanged

2006-12-30T10:52:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is. The much-publicized and perhaps, by some, much-awaited hanging of Saddam Hussain has finally taken place.

Now, do I agree with execution by the government? Well, that's a different story...I believe in giving a punishment equal to that of the crime. Saddam took lives of many people and made many suffer, no doubt. But by killing him for it makes those who decided to do so no better than Saddam. I would want to choose the punishment which makes him suffer the most and makes him think about what he has done for the rest of his life so it eats him alive and by the time he dies, he understands completely what he has done and how he has made people suffer. My choice of punishment would have been a prison life in seclusion, which means no visitation rights whatsoever under any circumstances. To hang someone publicly seems far too barbaric for a civilized society to take part in.

But of course, that's just my opinion...

Whatever it is, what's done is done. Saddam Hussain was hanged before dawn and he is no longer with us. At this point, my thoughts are of course only thoughts to consider for the future.

Today

2006-12-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day I met my neighbour. Today was the first day I met the man who drives the red car with the license plate "Ron --" which I see parked in the first spot of my apartment complex parking lot every morning and every evening. Today was the first day in 10 years I wrote someone a handwritten letter. Today was the first time I thought about one person more than I thought about anyone or anything else. Today was the first time I left my apartment complex driveway as slow as I did [I was following my mother's car].

Today was my last day in upstate NY...

A criminal case filed...for an on-screen kiss?

2006-12-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm not a huge fan of Aishwarya Rai. Let me correct myself: I'm not a fan of Aishwarya Rai, period. And I'm not a huge fan of Hrithik Roshan either...or his body [yes I'm a girl, yes I don't fancy Hrithik's looks, and no I'm not a lesbian] - but suing them for a kiss they shared in the movie Dhoom 2? Come on, that's pushing things slightly over the limit.

Mr Shailendra Dwivedi, a lawyer in the central state of Madhya Pradesh, filed the suit last week, accusing the actor-pair of lowering the dignity of Indian women and encouraging obscenity among India’s youth. What's even more ridiculous is that a court has agreed to hear the case on Monday.

Do Mr. Dwivedi and others like him honestly believe that "India's youth" has never been exposed to obscenity before this one kiss shared by Hrithik and Aishwarya in Dhoom 2? Do they think teenagers and young adults have never watched Western films? Because there's a lot more than just kissing taking place in those...

I suppose Mallika Sherawat is not doing anything wrong in Mr. Dwivedi's eyes by appearing practically naked all over the place? No, of course not. Even though her movie "Khwahish" released in 2003 featured 17 on-screen kisses.

And honestly, like lawyers don't have a bad enough name. Mr. Dwivedi is seriously clueless if he thinks young girls are going to go out and say "because Aishwarya Rai kissed, I can kiss too," then proceed to do so. They'll do it for other reasons if they are going to, not because Aishwarya Rai did. Pathetic.

Snow in Chennai?

2006-12-11T23:03:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know, there is no snow and there was no snow, nor will there be any snow in, around, or anywhere remotely close to Chennai - but not according to my "faithful" Google Desktop. This is the third time this week I have been told by Google Desktop that there is going to be snow in Chennai. Don't believe me? Here - I took a screenshot! [After whiting-out the other places I have requested weather updates for - stalkers on Facebook, Orkut, and Friendster are enough].

So, there you have it - Google Desktop messes up sometimes. Just thought I'd share.

Frustration...

2006-12-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

You finally find one thing in life you are pretty sure about. You know what you want, you go for it, and you are more than happy with the outcome. You know you don't want to give it up, and are pretty sure you will never have to.

But you underestimated the ability of something else to become an obstacle. Or, you knew it was a possibility and just chose to ignore it - until it became too difficult to do so. And well, it became more than just a possibility. It became a reality. And now, that confidence of having that one, beautiful thing constant in your life is shattered. Deep down, you know you can't keep it. But you don't want to give it up, even though the longer you wait to give it up, the more difficult you know it will be for you, and the more "hurt" you will experience.

Feelings are too strong...
Frustration...

Never-ending Shiite vs. Sunni war

2006-11-25T12:36:00.000-05:00

Firstly, before I get into the purpose of my blog entry today, I am fairly certain that there are several people who still do not know the difference between a Shiite and a Sunni Muslim. Why do I say this? Because the topic recently came up with an acquaintance of mine, who said though he was aware of the two groups of Muslims, he had never quite bothered to find out what their difference was.

A Sunni Muslim believes that the first four successors of Mohammed (called "caliphs"), who was the founder of Islam, took his place as the leader of Muslims. Sunnis recognize the heirs of all four of these caliphs as legitimate leaders of the Islam religion. Shiites however believe that only the heirs of the fourth caliph, Ali, are the legitimate successors of Mohammed. 90% of Muslims today are Sunni, whereas the remaining 10%, mostly Iraq and Iran, are majority Shiite nations.

Sunni-Shi'a relations have been extremely sour for a very long time now. There has been an ongoing "war" between the two groups for generations. During the more recent couple of decades terrorist acts between the two groups and against other groups have increased dramatically. Suicide bombers are featured in the news almost on a daily basis. However, there is a new level of brutality now introduced into this already large and ever-growing problem: burning people alive.

Just yesterday, November 24, Shiite Militia men killed 25 Sunnis in Iraq, 6 of which were doused in kerosene, lit on fire, and burned alive. Here is the article on ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=2677344

It's awful how brutal extremists can be. The closest thing I have to compare is the major division within Hindus, Vaishnavites and Shaivites. Vaishnavites believe that the one Supreme God is Vishnu, one of the three of the Holy Trinity in Hinduism. They recognize all of the incarnations of Vishnu as Supreme as well, but recognize anyone else only as devas or demi-Gods. Shaivites believe that the one Supreme God is Shiva, another one of the three Gods within the Holy Trinity.

Though there is this very prominent difference between the two Hindu groups, I don’t see them fighting on a daily basis and killing each other. It’s very unfortunate, and frankly, stupid, that these extremist Islam groups continue to kill each other in the most brutal ways possible.

Soldiers aren't always so heroic

2006-11-16T23:23:00.000-05:00

And that's an understatement. Why? I would be mildly surprised if you didn't agree after reading this: http://www.forbes.com/business/services/feeds/ap/2006/11/16/ap3183497.html

It is absolutely atrocious that there are American soldiers out there who are engaging in such activities. I actually started writing this post on November 16, and got too heated up to continue it at that moment. It's now November 20, and I'm returning to this post now.

Between the 16th and the 20th, I happened to discuss this with a close friend, who was at the time probably more likely to look at this story with a more objective viewpoint than I was able to. He agreed, that the concept of rape in general, when a guy is doing it for his own sexual pleasure or out of anger against a girl who is completely innocent is wrong and unacceptable under any terms.

Then he gave me a couple of scenarios. What if I had to choose between me getting raped, or 20 other people I didn't know getting raped? He gave me a scenario in which he would have to choose either his one good friend getting raped or 20 individuals he had no connection to getting raped. Though it was difficult at first for me to admit, I would have chosen the 20 others to get raped. Ideally, I wouldn't have wanted the rape committed at all. But if there was no choice but one of these two, I would have to go with the other individuals. Likewise, he chose the same.

Then he gave me another instance. What if I was living in a time such as World War II, and was a Jewish woman and my entire family had been murdered in concentration camps as a result of the Holocaust. If I had the choice of raping Hitler [assuming it's possible to rape a man] or kill Hitler, what would I choose?

He talked me through this. I realized in the process of the discussion that murder simply kills a person. That person doesn't feel a thing afterwards. However, rape can mentally scar someone for life. It is difficult not to wake up every morning and think about what happened to you. It is hard not to let it affect everything you do or feel or think. If I really wanted to harm someone for what was done to me and/or ones I loved, would I rape that person?

These are all extremely difficult questions to answer. Maybe not something you will be able to answer for a very long time, if at all. You start letting what your individual beliefs, morals and values are affect what you think, or what should ideally be the action taken. It's not easy to come up with an answer within the instant. These are all just things to think about.

Are there extreme scenarios in which rape is "justified"? Part of me wants to say absolutely no way. But the other part of me is still trying to answer those questions and decide if sometimes it may be "necessary", as awkward as that sounds.

When I showed my friend this article, he said that we are hearing one side of it. We don't know if that girl or that girl's family did something horrible to force the soldiers to react that way. From the article, I get the impression that the girl and her family were innocent, and this was a concoction of a few soldiers' silly, idiotic, drunken thoughts which were later carried out in action. If that is so, then these men who committed this serious crime deserve the worst torture possible.

I really don't know what to make of any of this at this point...all of this is just food for thought. So, any thoughts?

them Republicans...gotta love 'em

2006-11-09T23:14:00.000-05:00

So, midterm elections in the United States...what's the mildest way to put it? Hmm...nope, no mild way. Republicans got WHOOPED!

Democrats won power in both the House and the Senate by capitalizing on frustration with President Bush and the War in Iraq as well as the Congress and their scandals galore.

In addition, we have the added bonus of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stepping down. Not to mention Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman is stepping down at the end of his 2-year term in January after his party lost both chambers of Congress during the mid-term elections.

Oh, and the best part? Republicans didn't even stand a chance against a democratic candidate who had died 2 months ago. Check this out: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15622299/. Now is that's not a stab at a person's (group's) ego, then I have no idea what is.

Now, let me go sit back and continue watching the show...

3 mo. old baby charged with robbery...?

2006-11-05T11:48:00.000-05:00

I kid you not. This is an actual news item. Go on to read the article here: http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/3-month-old-charged-with-robbery/n20061104062209990002?cid=936

Think that's not ridiculous enough? Try these:

Naked Man Arrested for Concealed Weapon

Nude Couple's Feud Ends at Waffle House

Does anyone else find it ridiculous that this is the kind of news we get these days? Who the hell writes about weird naked people and who the hell charges a 3 month old baby with robbery?? It's absurd. People have nothing better to do, seriously.

But, try this for some REAL news: Saddam Hussain has been convicted and RECEIVES THE DEATH SENTENCE.

There we go. Now that's some real news...

Time needs to go by faster =\

2006-11-03T11:08:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted time to go by really fast, think that it is a certain time or a certain day, then realize afterwards that it's not? It's so frustrating...

I actually thought today was the 4th of November. I'm desperately waiting for the 12th to arrive, and fast...it was the most depressing thing to realize that it is in fact not the 4th, but the 3rd.

Well, I suppose to plus point to my day is the fact that working at a law firm gives me free consultations for any old odd thing, when most people pay hundreds of dollars for each. It's great. Any contracts I have for writing, etc. all go through my law firm first. Sometimes, I love my job! Ah, well, anyway, I should get back to my work. Till next time...

Having a baby without knowing you are going to?

2006-11-02T11:42:00.000-05:00

It amazes me how dumb people can actually be...

"Honey, I just gave birth to a baby boy."
"Haha yeah, sure. And I just became president."
"No, sweetie, really, you're a dad."
"Stop lying. You don't just wake up one morning and give birth to a baby without going through 9 months of pregnancy."
"Oh but I did. I just didn't know it."

Think that sounds ridiculous? Well, not far from the story here: http://www.forbes.com/feeds/ap/2006/11/01/ap3139543.html

Doesn't make sense to you? Well, it doesn't make much sense to me either...

today's agenda: wake up, brush teeth, eat, go to work, fly a plane...?

2006-10-30T09:43:00.000-05:00

Life has kept me busy. I seem to always be engaged in doing a handful of different things, which is good because I have no room to be bored. Can't say I'm entirely satisfied with the way things are right now though. Sometimes, circumstances entirely beyond my control tend to offset my usual way of handling myself and things in my life, which is frustrating beyond what I can explain, but sometimes there is nothing else to do but to suck it up and deal with it.

Anyway, how many of you can say you have flown a plane? Up until last Thursday, I definitely couldn't have. And when I woke up Thursday morning, I didn't wake up thinking, "hm, what should I do today? I think I'll go maneuver a plane in the air." Nope, definitely wasn't thinking that. I woke up thinking I was going to a flight show hosted by the RPI flight club or something along those lines. I walk in however, and discover a flight instructor waiting to teach me how to fly a plane. Now let me ask, how many of you can say you have gotten a surprise birthday gift as incredible as that? I'd be willing to bet, not many. It was absolutely incredible - I learned to check the plane before taking off, I learned to maneuver the plane on the ground, I learned to take off by myself, I learned to handle the plane in the air by myself, and I learned to land, though with a bit of help from my instructor so it would be as smooth as possible. However, I would say about 95% of the time, I was in control of the plane. Now, the next time I step onto an airplane to travel somewhere, I know exactly what is going on up front. I was speechless, the experience was one I can't even begin to describe, and overall, it was just stunningly awesome. That was one hell of a surprise birthday gift.........

Aside from the fact that I still cannot get over the fact that I had the chance to fly a plane, no other big news. I'm just still high from flying that thing. Friggin awesome. No words to describe it. Just plain awesomeness.

Dengue fever outbreak in India

2006-10-15T07:11:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that an outbreak of dengue fever in India has killed 42 more people and infected another 1,000 in JUST the past four days. It seems that most of the outbreaks are in the New Delhi area. This is extremely disconcerting since I have family members and friends in that area.

A total of 94 people have died since late August, and nearly 5000 dengue fever cases have been reported. Here is the Reuters article on the matter.

About 306 of these cases have been reported in Tamil Nadu, which is even more disconcerting because it is my homestate in India and I have even more family and friends from there.

Though it seems that dengue fever is caused by any Aedes aegypti mosquito bite, the outbreaks in India are apparently caused only by the female bite. Click here to learn more about dengue fever in general, and click here to understand more about the specific outbreak right now in India.

Bush...enough said

2006-10-14T16:25:00.000-05:00

I was, just as I do any other day, casually browsing the Internet... and look at the article that pops up: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061014/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_iraq

The title: Bush keeps revising war justification

Surprised? Me? Not at all.

It's not enough already for him that his ratings are the lowest in the history of American presidents. As the article states, his initial reason for the war on Iraq was specific - to prevent Saddam Hussain from using WMD or from selling them to al-Qaida and other terrorist groups.

3.5 years later? No WMD or end to the war.

So then, Bush decides to claim the war is to prevent Iraq from falling into the power of another brutal ruler. Oh, how altruistic.

Then after that, the purpose of staying in Iraq was to fight terrorism, but not on home soil. America should be kept safe. Oh joy.

Now guess what it is? A struggle between good and evil. No comment.

All-in-all, I think I have a huge problem with why we went into Iraq in the first place. However, now that we're in, we have to come out successfully. Eh...don't get me started on Bush. I'll never stop.

Immaturity to the MAX

2006-10-12T18:11:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how age sometimes has absolutely nothing to do with maturity. Most recently, I'm watching a couple of people I know and who used to be very close to me, let their entire "worlds" fall apart simply because one thing has gone wrong in their life. Funny thing is, these people are considerably older than I am (24 to 27 years old), and don't act a BIT like they should be. At least, they don't act even close to what I think mature adults their age should act like. All right, so even if I give them the benefit of the doubt that the one thing that went wrong was such a huge part of their lives, isn't it somewhat ridiculous to allow your whole life to fall apart because of it? When I ask these people about it, they respond with “that WAS my life. I let everything I am and everything I do revolve around that. If I don’t have that anymore, my life is not worth living.” Come on, seriously, let alone “immaturity to the max.” Shall we say, drama to the max?

All right so I know I sound incredibly cynical and harsh right now, but for crying out loud, give me a break. If you cannot be independent emotionally, then you have a huge problem. Financial independence is something that will come with time. Not everyone is financially independent at the same time, and many of us are still in school or still receiving help from parents because we don’t have big jobs yet that allow us to be entirely independent. But being financially independent right now is not what I mean by maturity. That is something that we can all be, whether or not we are emotionally and mentally mature, when the time comes. To be emotionally independent is to have a mind of your own, to be able to pick up broken pieces and continue right where you left off and move on without letting something affect you drastically, and to be able to think for yourself without letting your opinions and your thoughts be influenced by someone or something else or entirely formed by someone or something else. Now THAT is what I want to see in people. That is what I think is worthy of respect. Even if I was the one “thing” a person let his/her life revolve around, I’d frankly find that disgusting. I’d feel somewhat choked as though I have no room to breathe [ok so that’s my bit of drama, but it’s hard not to get that way sometimes when dealing with people like this].

I think it’s time for these people to understand that their lives have to be lived for themselves and nobody else. If you choose to do something, do it for yourself. Do it because you have a clear reason in your mind for doing it, and what anybody else thinks or says has no influence over your thoughts and actions. When you have clear ideas in your mind, clear goals, and a set of values that you will not change for anyone aside from yourself, that will automatically win the respect of people around you even if their ideas, goals and values are drastically different from theirs. No two people are going to be identical in every single imaginable way. The world would be far too boring if everyone thought the same way and did the same things. So please learn to live for yourself. Otherwise, don’t expect to get very far in life.

That’s my bit of venting for the day =) Ciao!

I love SPB!!

2006-10-11T10:37:00.000-05:00

So this Sunday, October 8, was the much awaited SP Balasubramaniam concert. It was absolutely amazing. Apparently, SPB was extremely sick. He had performed in New Brunswick, NJ that Friday, and was hoping to cancel this particular show in CT because he was that sick. However, the officers of the CT Tamil Sangam who were sponsoring his concert begged him not to cancel because of the number of tickets that were sold and the number of people who were expected to attend the concert.

He finally agreed and he made it to the concert. His singing was flawless. I was thoroughly impressed. Most of the songs were among my favourites too, which made it that much better. Of course, the concert left me wanting more, and of course, there were songs I wanted to hear and didn't get to because there was no time, but like my friends were saying, no matter which songs he had sung and how long the concert was, there would have been a slight bit of dissatisfaction regardless because there would have still been songs that were not sung and I wanted to hear, etc.

Then we had dinner in the same hall as him and got our pictures taken. It was apparent he was very sick since his face was emotionless and it was very obvious he wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep.

Whatever it is, I'm just really happy [all right, for very selfish reasons], that he made it, sang for us, and that too, completely flawlessly, and I had the chance to hear him live!

SPB is amazing =)

my usual "one month later" update..

2006-10-05T10:38:00.000-05:00

I've gotten into this ridiculous habit of updating this once a month...I should probably try and snap out of that habit. I know, I know, I say that each time and I never do it. I'm sure if my mother read this statement, she'd make a comment about how I carry that quality in me (to say things repeatedly and not do them) all the time. I'd beg to differ, but hey, that's just me.

As usual, I've been busy with work, class, and the many other things I like to engage in. I'm excited about this weekend - SP Balasubramaniam concert in Newington, CT. If anyone wants to attend, please do! It will definitely be well worth it. It's SPB - how can it not?

There are so many things I wanted to blog about over the past month but just never had time to sit down and do it. 9-11, the whole E-coli/spinach breakout, etc. Oh well. There are always other things to blog about.

Right now, I have so much work to finish up before my busy weekend, so I will come back to this again in the near future...and by near future, I can't promise that it won't be next month. But you'll hear from me again for sure. That, I can guarantee.

"Facebook" a.k.a. "How to be a stalker 101"...?

2006-09-07T14:51:00.000-05:00

For those who are unaware of the popular college (and recently high school) networking website called "Facebook", it has been an easy way for students from many accredited colleges, universities as well as high schools to find other students in their area, with common interests, etc. It seems to be one of the easiest ways for students to waste time when they find themselves bored or tired of doing homework. Sure, it's been an easy way to get in touch with old friends, keep in touch with current ones, and share photos from group gatherings.

Of course, I'm sure many people (myself included) have been the target of random people sending messages commenting on how pretty or handsome they look in their pictures, trying to find out if he/she is single and, in what is an appropriate term for what goes on, virtually stalk them.

A couple of days ago, I happened to log onto facebook to find that it had undergone another one of it's occasional "face-lifts" as the facebook designers so call it. However, this time it was nothing ordinary. Facebook had been designed so that every time a user logged on, it gave them a rundown of the most recent activity of any and all of their facebook friends. And not even the simple activities such as an updated profile picture or a new photo album - it was now telling every "facebook friend" if a person had dropped out of a group, what he/she had written on someone else's wall, if he/she had a new friend, if he/she had a change in relationships, etc. As though facebook was not already a tool for stalkers! The "new" facebook just made it ridiculously easier for anyone to become a stalker through facebook...and that too, possibly even unintentionally!

A lot of the people I am friends with on facebook are not people I am in touch with on a very regular basis. Though I am with some, I talk very rarely to most. I don't think it's the most comfortable feeling for everyone to know that their every move on facebook, what is supposed to be a casual time pass for students and a way to keep in touch with friends, is being noted and watched by everyone who is on their list of friends.

Yes, Facebook designers can argue that this information is only being shared with those who had access to a users profile in the first place. However, I prefer to be able to choose whose profile and whose information I see, instead of knowing that the kid I went to high school with four years ago broke up with his girlfriend and knowing exactly how he feels about it. That is just strange.

My faithful Google toolbar happened to point out an article by the Financial Times on this very situation. It's located at: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/28decc88-3e92-11db-b4de-0000779e2340.html

Check it out!

S.P. Balasubramaniam LIVE IN CONCERT!!

2006-09-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

I know, it's been a very long time since I last posted. And I will post something other than this concert announcement as soon as I get the opportunity to! But in the meantime, here's my concert announcement:

The Connecticut Tamil Sangam is hosting a live concert by S.P. Balasubramaniam on October 8 at 4:00pm at Newington High School, 605 Willard Ave, Newington, CT.

Tickets are $35/person. If you purchase them in bulk (20 people minimum), $5/person will be deducted.

Tickets for young adults (ages 12-18) are priced at $10/person.

Please pass this onto anyone who you think may be interested - all are welcome. If you would like to go, leave a message on my blog or get in touch with me otherwise if you know my contact information.

Again, please pass this onto anyone else you think may be interested in attending. Thanks!

my new crush

2006-07-27T18:26:00.000-05:00

I discovered this really good singer named Hemachandra [who is a south Indian might I add], while searching for Nahin Samne [a very good song from the Hindi movie Taal] on www.youtube.com.

I started listening to him sing his renditions of many different Hindi songs, and though not all of them are perfect, his voice is very good and he definitely nails some of the songs. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdE-jX3U4rA - Hai Rama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9lxdfkP4Dw - Ramta Jogi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT1y7f2ehpg - Tere Mere Beech [don't mind the random clips of him sleeping and shaving and stuff...not sure what the purpose of that is!]

and the response:

2006-07-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

here is a friend's response and my comment to it with regards to my last post:

http://www.bohemianstate.com/?p=849

I never said feminism was a bad thing. I don't have anything against those who are feminists. Different people choose to deal with situations, problems, and opinions in different ways. I choose to handle it so that I am arguing for myself, not for my whole gender. Some people choose to speak for all women. If you want to do that, I'm not going to say that it's wrong to do so. But I'd rather do things for myself, fight for myself, and handle situations on my own than to have someone else do that for me. That is all my point was, and I hope that I am finally making myself clear.

clarification

2006-07-20T17:18:00.000-05:00

I think I need to clarify something that came up as a result of my previous post. I am by NO means a feminist. I don't spend my whole life fighting for women's rights. I think that those women who are capable of it, will find a way to come up on the corporate ladder or any other ladder they feel the need to "conquer". I don't believe in feminism whatsoever. I am not say that all males are male chauvenistic pigs either. I am just saying that some men's views are entirely ridiculous.

A comment was made on my last post that men such as the one I talked about are not worth dealing with. I absolutely agree. Unfortunately, the situation I was in forced me to talk to this man. I had no choice. I cannot go further into what the situation was, but I assure you I had no choice but to talk to him because I had to work with him to work towards reaching a compromise/final outcome to a certain problem at hand. I know though, that it is almost impossible to make a grown man understand his views may not be favorable or "morally" right, or whatever it is, because what has been learned and instilled in his brain over so many years is not going to change just because one person talks to him and tells him the way he thinks is not the "right" way to think. There are so many things I just said that probably need disclaimers labelled all over them, but I'm not in the mood to sit and type those out. Hopefully, you all get the jist of what I'm trying to say.

But basically, I wanted to make it clear that I am not a feminist, and I don't think all males are chauvenists.

men can be ridiculous...well, at least some of them

2006-07-15T17:30:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy week. Last weekend was wonderful. My little cousin, Gayathri, came and spent the weekend with me. We definitely had a lot of fun. However, I don't recommend seeing The Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest, though if you are anything like me, you won't pay too much attention to those recommendations and you'll watch it for yourself. [But seriously, it's a waste of 10 bucks in my opinion. Dinner at Taco Bell would have been more rewarding for me. Even Pizza Bella.]

So I was placed in an interesting situation this past week, during which I had first-hand experience with a man who believes with all his heart that women are entirely incapable of anything, and are only good for one thing. Sex. I was shocked out of my mind at how seriously he believed in this. I admit, there are very stupid women in the world. But to be fair, there are equally stupid men. This man honestly believed that women should not have a voice whatsoever, and should obey him [or any man for that matter] when told what to do. She should be willing to have sex with him as and when he wants. And frankly speaking, she is, and I use his words, "good for being nothing but a whore". He told me that he should not have to listen to what I have to say, but rather, I should listen to him. If he wants to have sex with me, I should drop everything that instant and go "please" him. He told me personally that I am good for being nothing but a whore, and that nobody should give me the chance to be anything else. Yes, people like this actually do exist, and yes, he used almost these exact same words.

I'll be honest. I think a lot of the women I encounter act far too ditzy. I am not sure if it is intentional [some think it's cute], or if they really are that ditzy, but I know that I don't have patience for it. I need more practical, down-to-earth, reasonable people to communicate with. However, I don't think it's fair to say that women, even the ditzy ones, are good for only sex. It's demeaning and very insulting.

It's hard for me to comment much on the matter, but I don't believe I have to either. I think it's fairly obvious what I would feel or think about the situation. Because of the environment I was in during the situation, I was very level-headed [at least, I believe I was], and reacted as best as I could to his comments. The end result: he actually stopped making such statements and listened to what I had to say. I think that's pretty good, considering he's someone who doesn't think women deserve to be heard.

I'm interested to know if any other people have been in a situation in which they encountered people such as the man I described above. Let me know!

back in Troy

2006-07-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

I always want the truth, especially from those who are closest to me. But sometimes, I feel like the truth will eventually [if not right now] hurt me more than if I had not known it at all. I suppose I might as well know the truth from the beginning so it will hurt less [assuming I'll find out the truth at some point on my own anyway, in a way I would rather not have found out]...

I sound like I'm trying too hard to convince myself, don't I?

Anyway, I am back in Troy and fairly settled in. There are some things around the apartment that maintanance is working on [they were in here while I was at work today], but otherwise, it's decent. Too big for my tastes, but I have a mother who insists on making too many compromises, and therefore in order to get some personal satisfaction, I have to give into what she wants at times. And because she wanted me to have a bigger apartment, I have it.

It's somewhat odd being in Troy [in an area other than the main RPI campus] and doing something other than going to school, doing pointless homework assignments, and studying for mundane exams [or shall I say, cram the night before and help increase my record of all-nighters?]

All right. Time to get some work done.

biological or inherited?

2006-07-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

Over the past couple of years, the idea that males are more likely to be homosexual as a result of having older brothers has been tossed around. However, I have never thought much of this theory due to the fact that personally, all the male homosexual friends and acquaintances I have are either the only child, are the oldest out of all their siblings, or have all sisters! So even if there is an iota of truth to the “older brother” theory, it does not explain homosexuality amongst all males.Recently, a Canadian study is revealing that perhaps homosexuality is due to more biological reasons than social reasons [ref: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5120004.stm]. I have heard people say this too – that people “inherit” their homosexuality. But there needs to be proof of this, right? Well, here’s a synopsis of the news article I have linked to this entry:

Professor Anthony Bogaert from Brock University in Ontario, Canada revealed after conducting a study, that the idea of homosexuality related to having older brothers only exists when the brothers are from the same mother, and not if the brothers have been adopted or are half-brothers [have the same father, but not the same mother]. He suggested that a woman’s body may see the male fetus as “foreign”, prompting an immune reaction and creating antibodies which may affect the developing male brain. Scientists from Michigan State University said: "These data strengthen the notion that the common denominator between biological brothers, the mother, provides a prenatal environment that fosters homosexuality in her younger sons."

However, this study still doesn’t provide sufficient “proof” which satisfies me in showing that male homosexuality is biological. It also fails to show why an only child, older sons, sons with only female siblings, as well as female homosexuals are sexually-oriented in this fashion.

So in the end of all of this, as far as I'm concerned, we are no more knowledgeable in the reasons of homosexuality now than we were before. There are still those homosexuals who say they inherited their sexual orientation, and there are still those who say they chose to be gay. I wonder if there will ever be significant proof one way or the other.

and it's your business...why?

2006-06-28T12:19:00.003-05:00

You're 20 or 21 years old. You're in college, or are just finishing up. What do you do with your life? Go to grad school...start working...travel...relax...take some time to pursue some hobby of yours that you always dreamed of taking further...you can do practically anything. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you, and what you want to do is entirely your choice, right?

Hmm...

Well, that's how it should be. But social norms and nosy aunties and uncles and relatives can be obstacles. It seems as though once a girl hits a certain age, it's an absolute expectation that she begins to think about marriage. This is not to say it is a bad thing to get married [not that I have to justify myself with this statement], but it may not be what every single girl wants.

Until the age of 20-21, most people are dependant on their families and parents. They need help with college tuition, housing, etc. But it is after this point that they can finally consider themselves independent. Some people like this concept, and want some time to "live life" on their own, and experience things without having to make compromises and decisions while taking into account the needs and wants of another person. Is that such a crime?

I randomly bring this topic up just because it is something that has come up in conversation with more than one person, people of a variety of ages, and a topic of conversation (or argument) that has occured as recently as this morning.

The decision to have a married life should not be forced upon an individual. It is a decision he/she has to make on his/her own because he/she is the one who has to live with that other person for the rest of their lives, not anyone else.

I personally know people who have married just to please their families, or just because it is the "social norm", and are now miserable in their married lives. In fact, some of these people have done so much as to admit to me that they would have been happier alone, or happier marrying someone of their choice. Some people have married someone they chose, but only to find that life after marriage is very different from life before marriage, though the two people are still in it together.

Then again, there are those who are very happy in their marriage. I've been told by these people of feelings and moments and things that you cannot experience without being in a marriage, and it is not even something they can explain to me. It is only something I will see after I myself get married. What this even means, I can't be sure.

One girl I have known for years now, has been seeing a guy for about 3 years. Until being with him, she never cared much for marriage. Now, she wants to be married to him because she can see herself happy with him. If you can find something strong like that, that's wonderful. But again, shouldn't that be your choice?

I should add this disclaimer - my general views explained above on this issue do not necessarily mean I never want to get married. I do not want to get married now, and I honestly believe it should not be forced on someone. But personally, some day down the line (not right after finishing undergrad like the cookie cutter desi bride), I would like to get married. I see myself getting married sometime before the age of 30. But I will not settle. If that means I don't find the right guy by then, I will not settle for someone just because I need to get married. I want to have kids, and unfortunately women have a biological clock that makes it difficult to do so after a certain age. But my happiness is important too, and while I would want a guy who wants to marry me down the line, I would not risk being "stuck" in a marriage with someone I am not 100% committed to. Those of you who know me know how much I love kids, and personally, I would not have them without being married. That decision stems largely from the respect I have for my family. It would hurt them and break them if I had children out of wedlock, and I am not prepared to do that to the people who have been there for me from day 1, and who will continue to be there for me unconditionally. My biggest problem however, is that I just don't want someone telling me when that marriage should be happening, because it's just not their business. It's my business, and ultimately, the business of whoever I am serious about marrying, and something I would discuss 100% at that time with that person, when I am ready. That is on my terms, and my terms only.

I respect anyone who does not want to get married, and believe they have that choice, like I said earlier in my post. Nobody else should force that on someone - it is too big and too fragile of an issue to force on someone (unless you are in a relationship with that person, like I mentioned might be in my future case, in which case it is important to bring it up when you are ready to discuss it). But aside from the person you are with, nobody else should dictate to you or suggest to you how to lead that part of your life! I cannot emphasize enough how much I don't think it is much of anyone else's business if a person chooses to marry or not. If he/she does, that's fine, and if he/she doesn't, that also should be fine. It's absurd the number of arguments I have witnessed as a result of this topic. It goes right along with my post on rumors: when you have a busy life yourself, with barely enough time to handle everything you need to handle and do everything you want to do, why poke your nose in issues that don't have anything to do with you?

**1 month since my thaatha passed...**

deja vu + nostalgia + ???

2006-06-25T10:41:00.000-05:00

I've been having this very strange sense of deja vu throughout today. Granted, the past few months I've been experiencing deja vu more than ever before, but today seems to stick out for some reason. It's a very odd feeling that I'm not quite able to explain.

Anyway, it's been an interesting day. I've been cleaning out my room and getting it packed up. My closet has boxes with papers and things I have done or written since I was 6 or 7 years old [my age when we first moved to my current residence]. I don't think I have taken out these boxes and seen all these items since the time I actually packed them away into those boxes. I've come across pictures I drew, poems I wrote, and short stories I created. Old social studies projects and science lab reports are in there from grade school. I even found the little notebook I kept as my diary when I was a girl. I started reading it, but didn't finish because there was so much in there that I had practically pushed out of my head already, and reading it was only bringing all of that back. So on top of feeling deja vu all day, I've been feeling slightly [not too much] nostalgic as well. Time certainly flies [not that I'm a fan of predefined idioms].

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the fact that I really need a change/break and am counting down the days/minutes until I get to Troy [as pathetic as that sounds, yes I am eager to get back to Troy], or maybe it's just that I have too many things going on at the same time and trying to handle them all doesn't always work, but I've found myself fairly thoughtful over the past couple days. There are things I want to say, maybe just to one person, maybe to many, but my stubborness refuses to allow me to do so. I wonder if it's better to keep my mouth shut [which I have found works quite well in some situations], or if I should speak my mind out regardless of what may [or may not be] the consequence[s]. Maybe we should always say whatever we want to say. I know there were things I wanted to say to my grandfather, but by the time I made that decision, it was too late and he was gone. Now, I wonder if this is going to be the first thing I may possibly regret in my life. Maybe it's best to just say things we want to say, instead of waiting for the "right time" [which may never happen according to what you believe is the "right time"] or instead of deciding never to say it [and then wishing later on you had].

Now I'm off to the "little India" of New Jersey, aka Edison.

Rumors?

2006-06-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how quickly people can start and spread rumors. Just over the past few days, I have heard so much about so many people, most of whom I know are very good people. Heck, I've even heard rumors about myself!

It seems as though the average man can't survive without rumors, which honestly, is disturbing. In order to forget about their own weaknesses, distress, etc., they resort to finding fault [or fabricating faults] with others, even sometimes those who are in positions better than theirs [though this does not always have to be the case].

Why do people do this? To forget their own weaknesses as I mentioned perhaps. Or perhaps they dislike the person who the rumor is about, are jealous of the person, etc.

There is barely enough time during the day to tend to our own needs/wants/etc. So why spend time on other people's [most probably exaggerated and fabricated] lives? The funniest part of it all, is that once one person says something, others seem to believe it to be the truth and spread the same lie, sometimes adding something else to it that wasn't there before. So by the time the rumor has been worn out and spread, it is entirely different from what it started out as.

Rumors don't really bother me personally because when I hear something about someone else, I don't pay attention to it without hearing something from that individual, and when I hear something about myself, well I'm fairly confident that those who know me well enough wouldn't believe them without coming to me first and asking me about it, instead of talking behind my back and spreading the rumor further.

Ah, rumors...they're more humorous to me than anything else.

Hello sir, I'm looking for paaeennttt (and lot's of it)

2006-06-22T19:59:00.000-05:00

So all I can really think about (unfortunately), is paint. I wake up in the morning, and I start with some room in the house. At the end of the day, I'm covered head to toe in paint. I remember when my father first announced he was going to Home Depot to pick up paint with my brother, I could think of nothing else but the classic Russell Peters show in which he talks about the Indian accent, and uses an example of someone going to Home Depot and asking for paint. Not that this is significant whatsoever...

Other than painting our house and making it look wonderful, nothing much else going on. I'm heading back to Troy tomorrow through Saturday to do some hardcore apartment hunting (hopefully I nail something down by Saturday afternoon, or I'm homeless when I get to Troy on July 1st). Yes, I'm heading back for good on July 1st so I can start my internship at the law firm. Hopefully that will be rewarding and useful to me later on.

Though there is a lot I would like to write about, unfortunately I don't have time right now! I'm sure once I settle back in Troy, I'll have some extra time on my hands (though I can't say for sure).

Till then, adios!

Death

2006-06-13T11:35:00.000-05:00

Death is inevitable. We know it will happen at some point to each one of us. Yet, it is never easy when a loved one dies, regardless of how old that person is. My grandfather had been diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago, during which time I went to spend time with him. Recently, his condition deteriorated so rapidly, that the entire family became worried that he was reaching the end. After the doctor's diagnosis, we were informed that he truly did not have much time left to live. My mother decided to work from India, and took off immediately. One by one, my uncles took turns flying to Chennai to spend time with my grandfather.

I desperately wanted to go, but was not sure if I would be able to. My last final exam was on Friday, May 12. Still, my ticket had not been booked. My father told me he would talk to our travel agent and find out what would be best, and if there was any way I could go to India at all.

Saturday May 13, I packed up everything in my little studio apartment at school, and by noon I was out. By that time, it seemed like I had a flight the next day with Air India, and would pick up my ticket when I checked in my luggage.

I arrived in Madras on Tuesday, May 16 (Monday night US eastern time). It was a fairly good flight, considering it's not all the time you are offered an internship when crossing through time zones.

As I entered my home in Nugambakkam, my mother warned me that my grandfather was in a condition that I could not imagine, and not to act shocked when I entered his room. I opened the door, and it was then I realized that her warning was not warning enough. My grandfather sat on his bed waiting for me to arrive. Inside, he was the same person, but on the outside, there was barely anything left of him. It tore me apart to see him the way he was.

"Are you shocked to see me this way? I look very bad, don't I?" he asked me.

"No thaatha, you look fine. You will be better soon," I replied, knowing fully well it was a lie.

That was the last day my grandfather had the energy to speak in full sentences. It was the last day he spoke without fully slurring his speech. It was the last day he looked as "healthy" as he did, as strange as that sounds. His condition deteriorated dramatically each day I was there from the day I arrived. We all knew the end was near.

Sunday morning, May 28, 4:00am: it was my paati's (grandmother's) 70th birthday. It was also the morning my thaatha passed away. At the age of 82, he left us. He had told us he would be leaving us that day, and that Lord Rama had told him He would be coming to get him. Nobody knew what to think at that point. But, as my grandfather said, he passed away.

I had never watched death before. To see a person while he is alive, and watch the slow, painful death he experienced until there is no life left in him...it is an experience I would never wish to experience again. The body stayed in our house until Tuesday morning, in a refrigerated glass coffin. Everytime we passed through the hall, there my thaatha was, peacefully sleeping. He seriously looked as though he was just sleeping. I would sit in front of the coffin, almost expecting him to wake up. But he didn't.

The morning of the funeral was the hardest morning of my life. I don't wish to discuss it, but I know it is a morning I will remember every detail of for the rest of my life.

I miss him...he was one of the few people in my life who I had more respect for than I could ever hope to express. He was intelligent and reasonable most of the time, and someone who had done so much for so many people. It showed how much people loved and respected him, with the number of people who flew into Madras and took buses and trains from all over India to come in time to see his body and pay their last respects. I miss him so much, and it is hard to come to the realization that he will no longer be here to witness all the turning points in our lives.

I keep asking myself if I made mistakes by not telling him certain things I know he wanted to hear, or doing things I know he would have wanted me to do. I suppose everybody goes through something of the sort when somebody so close to them passes on.

Though I wish he hadn't died, I force myself to remember the suffering I watched him endure in order to convince myself that dying when he did, was the best thing that could have happened to him. He no longer has to experience the pain and suffering he experienced for so long.

Though I never said this to you once when you were alive, I love you very much thaatha, and I know I will remember everything you taught me from the day I was born for the rest of my life.

I'm here

2006-04-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

The number of times I have opened a new blog post template and the number of times I have left it unfinished, I could not even begin to tell you. It's been over a month now since my last post, due to a very busy schedule and complete lack of time to actually sit focussed and write here. I barely have enough time to keep up with my school assignments, let alone write in my blog. Hopefully that will change soon enough.

For now, this is to let you know I'm still healthy and alive, and a new post is soon to come (though not at this moment because I have 3 papers, a project, and a quiz to complete before Friday afternoon). Perhaps sometime this weekend you'll hear from me again.

Until then, ciao!

Homosexuality...continued

2006-03-15T14:34:00.000-05:00

If ya'll recall, I had directed your attention recently to a couple of posts made by my good friend Sandipan on the topic of homosexuality (http://writerthroughlife.blogspot.com/2006/02/musingmonsoon.html). Incase you did not have the opportunity to view those posts, I have copied the direct links here:

Musing Monsoon: Homosexuality in India
Musing Monsoon: Section 377

I urge you to take the time to read those, as I believe they are not only well-written, but simultaneously address very valid points. After you read those posts, I want to direct you to a news article I came across online just a couple of days ago:

News Article: click here

I find it quite coincidential that so soon after learning about section 377, I come across a news article that addresses an issue along those very lines. Reading this however, made me understand even more the irrationality of the entire homosexuality "situation".

Summary of the situation:

Two young women are "in love" and run away from home to live together. The family of one girl [girl A] accuses the other girl [girl B] of kidnapping girl A while also accusing girl B of being a man dressed as a woman. The police get involved, and find out 1] both girls ran away together - nobody kidnapped anbody, and 2] girl B is in fact a woman dressed as a man, as she would like to henceforth live her life as a male.

Quick [obvious] analysis:

a] Did girl B kidnap girl A as girl A's family accused girl B of doing?
>>No. They ran away with mutual consent.

b] Was girl B a man dressed as a woman as girl A's family accuses girl B of doing?
>>No. She was in fact a girl, simply dressed in a man's clothes.

c] Do police have the right to invoke Section 377 [regardless of how ludicrous Section 377 sounds in the first place] and charge girl B with "unnatural sex"?
>>No. There must be penetration in order to utilize Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code.

d] If in fact, there is no reason to accuse the women and if in fact, they have not done anything "illegal" [again, meant to be taken with a pinch of salt since laws such as Section 377 are so absurd and vague], should the police now let the girls go?
>>Yes. The accusations made by girl A's family are not true, and the police have found nothing else illegal about the girls' actions.

However, what do the police do instead? Keep the young women in custody and waste time trying to find a way to penalize them for absolutely nothing!

I quote from the article [Sonu is girl B]: "We cannot accuse Sonu of kidnapping," said Panchmahals deputy police superintendent J.K. Bhatt. Nor, he added, could Sonu be charged with "unnatural sex" under section 377 of the Indian Penal Code.

"To invoke Section 377, one has to prove penetration," said Bhatt. "We have conducted a medical examination which proved that Sonu is a woman."

I quote again from the article: Since Sonu was not, in fact, male, and since both women told police they wanted to live together and no kidnapping had taken place, the law enforcement officers seemed hamstrung.

Then why on earth are they still being held in custody? Why do people think they have the time to waste on such mundane issues that really should not even be issues in the first place? As the article explicitly states, this is certainly not the first occurence of the likes of such a case, and it probably will not be the last. I do, and will always, fail to understand the energy and time spent on homosexuality in India, in the United States, and in any other country it is made to be an issue.

India is supposed to be the largest democracy in the world, while the United States is meant to be "the land of the free" where freedom of expression is a privilege. So much for that.

And as far as the United States goes, so much for keeping "religion and state separated". I would like one person to come up to me and just try and argue out that any law speaking out against homosexuality does not have a bit of religion that plays into that decision. If it did not, what other reason is there for it to be an issue?

I don't usually have problems with religion in general. I myself am a practicing Hindu, and use religion to help me achieve a certain state of mind [to make a long description short - of course it is more complicated than such, but that's another story]. But it is when religion starts clashing with logic, and what in my mind is the simple and obvious path/decision, that I become frustrated and annoyed with the stupidity of it all.

howdy ya'll!

2006-03-12T21:50:00.000-05:00

Howdy from Arkansas! I had written a whole post, but considering I don't have the little fan to keep by my laptop here with me and considering the fact that my computer as a result overheated and shut down, I lost the entire post I had written describing my experiences travelling. So if you are interested, you can ask me - but to make a long story short, I was supposed to arrive on Friday night at Arkansas, which fell through because of weather delays from Albany - ended up spending the night in New Jersey, left for Arkansas on Saturday morning from Newark, and arrived "home" at around 5:30pm Saturday evening. I could have gone to India and back in the time that it took me to travel from Albany to Little Rock. That's pathetic.

Not to mention, my luggage didn't arrive then, and it still has not arrived to this minute. However, they claim they have it - rather, they know it's with Continental, it's a matter of getting it to me now. I'd be surprised if I get it before my stupid vacation is over in less than a week.

I'm having a great time here with my family. I've been introducing them to Arabian/Middle eastern music! And surprisingly, (perhaps even for the first time in my life), my family actually listens to me when I say things! It's really quite amazing.

The weather here is absolutely gorgeous. Sunny, warm, everything that Troy is not. Or New Jersey for that matter.

We went hiking at Pinnacle Mountain here in Arkansas yesterday. And of course, anybody who knows me, knows I LOVE hiking/walking/nature/etc. So I was in absolute bliss.

Anyway, I'm off for now. Will my luggage arrive today? Hmm...

l8er ya'll!

Drunk Driving...and the logic is...?

2006-03-09T13:53:00.000-05:00

Alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes kill someone every 31 minutes, and nonfatally injure someone every 2 minutes. Do you realize how scary that is? Unfortunately, deaths due to drunk driving are the leading cause of death in the United States.

In spite of all the warnings, public awareness and educational programs, stricter penalties for violations, and efforts by law enforcement agencies across the nation to be more visible and diligent in protecting the highways, people will still make the decision to get behind the wheel of their vehicles while intoxicated. And the logic in this is...?

All 50 states and the District of Columbia have per se laws defining it as a crime to drive with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) at or above a proscribed level of 0.08 percent. But honestly, how much do these laws matter? Obviously not enough since over 40% of all highway related deaths are due to drunk driving. That is a ridiculously high percentage.

It frustrates me to no end when I read things such as the "fact" that automatic license revocation appears to be the single most effective measure to reduce drunk driving. Nothing is effective if IT IS STILL SO PREVALENT. And then to read that automatic license revocation along with a mandatory jail sentence appears to be even more effective than just automatic license revocation angers me even more. How does any of this matter? Great, so it stops some people from getting behind the wheel drunk. But what about the hundreds of thousands of people who don't stop? What about all the lives that are lost due to wreckless drunk driving? Does a license revocation and a jail sentence do justice to the possible loss of an innocent life or lives?

I'm someone who lives my life by logic. If it doesn't make sense to me, I will not accept it. Getting behind the wheel and driving when you have no control over your mind or your body is not in any way a logical, decent, or intelligent decision. How can one be so irresponsible that he/she can risk the well-being of himself/herself and others through his/her poor judgement and incapability of handling alcohol (and getting behind the wheel while intoxicated for that matter)? I can never understand this.

::R.I.P. AD *~* forever in my heart::

The Musingmonsoon

2006-02-28T15:26:00.000-05:00

I love taking a look at friends' blogs sometimes if I feel like taking a break (which recently seems like all the time - I've become quite the procrastinator). Sandipan's blog never fails to be intriguing and thought-provoking to say the least. So instead of posting something of my own this time, I'd rather you all take a look at his last couple of posts on homosexuality. He's a good writer and has some good thoughts. You can visit his blog by clicking on this link http://musingmonsoon.blogspot.com or by clicking "Sandipan" on the right side under the column with my friends' blogs.

And one of my own thoughts before signing off: the only thing constant in life is change. Think about it.

Turning point

2006-02-26T11:47:00.001-05:00

What is "love"? Is it even something we can define? Maybe we can't- but I know what love is not. I'm so tired of hearing "he completes me" or "she is my better half" or "he makes up for my shortcomings", etc. etc. Why does it have to be that way? Why can't it be one complete person, and another complete person, together simply because they enjoy each other's company? You know, you don't even need to spend every waking second together. You could see each other everyday, you could see each other once every few months. You could talk everyday, or you could talk once a week. In theory, it shouldn't make a difference. In theory or in reality, nobody needs anybody else. That's all in your mind. If you do "need" someone, then it just means you are not ready for a relationship/marriage/whatever it is you are pursuing. You need to be happy with who you are, and satisfied with yourself as a person before taking on anything with anybody.

I'm pretty sure most of you are sitting there looking at this thinking, "what the hell is she talking about?" And those of you who know me extremely well, know that for a short period of time, this is certainly not what my thoughts were like. I "believed" in "love", yes. "Believed". I think I was more in love with the idea of feeling like there was someone else who could relate to me. At that point, I was so confused about everything in general, everything in my life, and everything in between. Nothing made sense to me. I know I've changed a lot since as recently as last year. I know that upon the initial realization of my change, I was thrown off and didn't necessarily like this change. It was hard to grasp the fact that I was changing as a person, and I immediately associated "change" with "bad", since it is often what I end up witnessing in other situations. I know I've gone through at least one drastic change in the past, but that actually was good for me for a period of time.

We don't need anybody to complete us. We need to complete ourselves. If you can't stand on your own, you are in deep, deep trouble.

I think I've finally started figuring myself out much better. Actually, I don't think so. I know so. I'm happy with the person I am turning into/have turned into. I've become stronger. I've become more independent. Things can only get better from here on in. Granted, there was a time in my life when I needed "crutches" to help me stand up. But I'm healed and more ready than ever to take on what I need to take on by myself. I want my decisions to be mine alone, without the influence of anybody else. This is my life. Time for me to live it to its fullest. Time for me to take things at my pace.

It's only the beginning, and I can't wait to see what's in store next. I have no regrets, and I won't have any regrets in the future. Of this, I am certain.

This is right

2006-02-25T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. The effects? Consequences? Who knows. We don't necessarily always know those. But what's the point in living life always thinking, "well this COULD happen, hence I will not do that" or "well what if this happens? It's possible. Better safe than sorry". That would be one boring life. There are possible "bad" effects to everything we do. Might as well take the risks and go for it. I know I'd regret it if I did not do so. Follow your heart, as cliche as that may sound, and as much as I want to stay away from cliches. But really, when it boils down to it, that's pretty much it. Follow your heart. Don't question it.

I'm happy.

Confused...?

2006-02-24T04:51:00.000-05:00

Confusion...amazing how you can go from being far less confused one hour, then by the time the next hour is completed, you are so utterly confused with anything and everything, that it seems impossible to figure out. So what do you do?

...nothing...

It will fix itself. Time will tell you what to do. For now, just go with the flow. It's happening. And that's that. Be your own person, be independent, and don't sit and think that your life has to go a certain way because so-and-so wishes it to be, etc.

If there is a reason why you have made a certain decision, stick to it. If there is a reason you don't want something, then don't do it. The ONLY obligation in your life, is to be true to yourself.

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."
- David Russell

Is it really that hard? hmm...

[[ennathu...naa sollavendithu iva sollindu irukkaa...]]

Ok, so this is confusing enough, I'll shut up for now =)

I <3 you Jill

2006-02-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

Jill - my big sister from the Women and Science in Engineering program at the University of Michigan. She was one of the biggest inspirations for me when I got to Michigan as a 17-year old freshman. Not only was she a genuinely hardworking person, she was there for me through so much and was never too busy to make me feel better through all the things I went through. No matter how big or how small, and regardless of what she had to get done by the next hour, she would sit down with me to talk and make me feel as though there was nothing more important.

Yesterday she called me. Needless to say, I was excited to speak to her. Obviously I am not in touch with her as often as I was while in Michigan, but she is one of those who I am still in touch with on some basis and still consider close to me.

She however, shared some unfortunate news. She's been diagnosed with breast cancer. What's even stranger is the fact that she just turned 23 years old. Breast cancer at 23? Who would have thought...

Naturally, I was thrown off. It was hard to respond to because it is not at all close to what you would expect to follow, "I have some news I have to tell you" from a 23 year old woman.

So, for those who are religious, I ask you to keep Jill in your prayers, and for those who are not, please hope for her speedy recovery. She is beginning chemotherapy treatment next week which should last 4-6 months after which she may or may not have to undergo radiation treatment as well. They have removed her lymph nodes, to which the cancer had spread, and are now working on killing the rest of it. I am certain that she will get through it. She is one of the strongest, most optimistic, and genuinely good people who I know.

It's sad that things like this happen to such good people...I know I kept thinking to myself last night "it's not fair...it's not fair...". However, a good friend told me that though he knows why I feel that way, the two are mutually exclusive. The fact that these things happen to good people has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they are good people and "do not deserve" this. Her wedding which was to happen this summer has been postponed, as has her start in med school which was supposed to begin this fall.

But she's strong. And good. And wonderful. And she'll make it. Please keep her in your thoughts or prayers. Or both. Take your pick =)

And with that, I'm signing off.

ghajini - oru maalai

2006-02-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

After I got back from class this morning, I have been listening nonstop to this one song from a Tamil movie called "Ghajini" called "Oru Maalai". It's a great song. Not that any of you will understand this anyway, but I wanted to post the lyrics =)

Oru maalai elaveyil neram
Azhagana elai uthir kaalam

Oru maalai elaveyil neram
Azhagana elai uthir kaalam

Satru tholaivile avalmukam parthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Satru tholaivile avalmukam parthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Aval alli vitta poikal nadu naduve konjam meikal
Ithaloorum sirippodu keddukonde nindrein
Aval nitru pesum tharunam. en valvil sakkarai nimidam

Eerkum visaiyai avalidam kandenae…. kandenae… kandenae….

Oru maalai elaveyil neram
Azhagana elai uthir kaalam

Satru tholaivile avalmukam parthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Satru tholaivile avalmukam parthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Paarthu pazhakiya naangu thinangalil; nadai udai paavanai maatri vitaal
Saalai munaikalil thuritha unaivukal; vaangi unnum vaadikkai kaaddi vitaal

Koocham kondda thendrala.. ival aayul neenda minnala
Unaiketra anaka ennai maatri kondenae

Oru maalai elaveyil neram
Azhagana elai uthir kaalam

Satru tholaivile avalmukam paarthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Satru tholaivile avalmukam paarthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Pesum azhaginai kettu rasithida; pagal neram pakthamai kadathere
Thoongum azhaginai paarthu rasithida.. iravellam kanvizhiththu
Kidapenae

Paniyil sentraal un mugam.. en melai neerai erankum
Oh thalai saaythu parthaazhe.. thadumari ponenae

Lala laala lara lara laalaa
O .. Lala laala lara lara laalaa

Satru tholaivile avalmukam paarthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Satru tholaivile avalmukam paarthein
Angae tholainthavan naanae

Aval alli vitta poikal nadu naduve konjam meikal
Ithaloram sirippodu kettukonde nindrein
Aval nitru pesum oru tharunam; en valvil sakkarai nimidam

Eerkum visaiyai avalidam kandeinae….

3-day weekends rock

2006-02-19T13:59:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday today, but can technically be considered equivalent to a Saturday. No classes tomorrow! And what's even better? My Tuesday classes are cancelled and Monday's classes are in place instead. Tuesdays and Fridays are my worst days - basically 8am to 2pm straight with no breaks. Monday is better - but what's EVEN better? My professor for my Monday evening class told us we don't have to come in on Tuesday! So all I have Monday is 8am-9am and then I'm done. Loving it.

The weekend started with Friday night, Ankit's house party. It was fun overall. Then last night was a potluck dinner with the grad Indian students I know, and a few undergrads. Of course, as expected, I was the only girl. But, oh well, it was all good. I made puliyodharai (tamarind rice). We watched Lord of War, a Nicolas Cage movie. It was a great movie, except somewhat sad. I definitely recommend it if you have not watched it yet.

And today has mostly been a day of studying. Ligon is visiting so I have to see him at some point too before he goes back to Massachusetts.

A HUGE birthday shoutout to my wonderful little sister, Tara. I have known her since she was in kindergarten, and today she turns 19 years old. I know she hates having her birthday recognized, but you all know I announce everyone's birthday =). So how can I go without announcing one of my favorite people's birthdays?

Anyways, that's all for now. No classes tomorrow. Yessss 8-)

More about nothing

2006-02-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

So I actually did have a blog post written up on valentine's day, but then my computer crashed. So I lost it. And I was too lazy to re-type it, hence, the few-days-late post :-). Anyway, so happy belated valentine's day to all those who I was unable to wish on February 14th.

Hm, what else. Lately, I've been loving technology. Well, at least one part of it. Skype. Quality of voice chat is amazing. I talk to my relatives in India everyday! For free! Honestly, what can be better than that? Ok, so I got lucky in the sense that I have relatives and grandmas who are "technology-saavy" and actually understand how to use these programs too. But it's really great. Last weekend, I had a conference-chat with my paati (grandmother) on my mom's side, and my mom. It was so much fun =)

The weather today was CRAZY. It started off sunny. Then, here I am sitting in class and in a matter of 30 seconds, it got pitch black and hail started pouring down. The windows shook so much that I was certain, as was the rest of the class, that the windows were going to break! Then I was heading to the DCC around 11:55, and the wind was SO strong, that it actually toppled me over and I fell backwards. If anyone had seen me, it must have been a hilarious sight. I was fighting so hard against the wind just to get half-way across campus. Pathetic. Then of course I had my hair practically whiplashing my face to the point that I got so annoyed, I decided it would be better to shave it off. But, then again, that might not be the best decision to take.

So after pulling an all-nighter last night, I'm debating whether or not to take a nap. It would probably be a good idea. I'll either do that or go and write. I feel like writing now. Either writing or making another oil pastel. Maybe I should take out my water colors and try those out? I should probably get started on the immense amount of work I have to do by the end of next week, but I just don't feel up to it. Oh well.

Anyway, time to go and figure out what to do the rest of the evening. Catch ya'll soon!

3-days-later-update

2006-02-11T17:36:00.001-05:00

All right, give me some credit...this is being update 3 days after the last post as opposed to 3 months!

So how many of you watched the opening to the Olympics games this year? How sweet was that? INDIA IS IN IT! And that too, not just one athlete, but FOUR!! I'm so excited! We have Neha Ahuja and Hira Lal for Alpine Skiing , Gupta Bahadur Gurung for Nordic Skiing, and Shiva Keshavan for Luge. Shiva Keshavan is TAMIL!!!! Yessssss :-D. That's hilarious. A Tamilian competing in the Winter Olympics. Who would've guessed.

So my cousin couldn't come this weekend :-(. Which sucks. I was really looking forward to seeing her too, but due to the weather we are getting, those plans had to be cancelled. She wants to come in two weeks, so hopefully that will work out.

You know what's funny? The past 2 weeks, almost everyone that has come my way, friends, newcomers, acquaintances, whoever it may be, I've managed to somehow bring about some form of "debate" or "argument" on God/religion. I have to say, I'm surprised that I know so many atheists/agnostics and didn't even realize it. Interesting how many people have come to that point. But one thing I will make clear to all of you if I haven't already made it clear: yes I am religious and yes I believe it does me good, but at the same time, there is nothing I can do to logically prove the existence of God. Not I nor anyone else can do anything to prove this existence. Just wanted to make that clear though I think I already have. I believe in the concepts that religion teaches and the way of life some of the religions promote. That doesn't mean I am going to sit here and vehemently insist that God 100% exists and those who don't believe in Him/The Supreme being are fools. And to all those who have no idea what I'm talking about, well, ignore this... =)

Ok and seeing that this update is so soon after my last one, I really have nothing much else to write. I know, it's pathetic haha.

Later!