yet again...

It's always bothered me. It's something I've never accepted. In fact, I hate it. "Hate" is a strong word. I know. I rarely use the word. This however, is one of those rare cases.

I kept quiet about it at first. Then I showed my dislike, and quite evidently too. Then, I said I would stop showing it. I kept it to myself. I tried to compromise with myself and I tried to "become okay" with it. For some reason though, I just couldn't come to terms. After trying to deal with it internally for so long, I'm beginning to realize no matter what I try, I'm never going to be "okay" with it. It's just one of those things that I feel so strongly about, there's no changing my mind.

But, if I can't come to terms with it, what kind of decision does that leave me to make? I hate letting this affect me so much, and frankly, there's no other way to stop it other than to "let go". But I can't seem to "let go" either. I don't want to "let go", but I can't keep going through this either.

I hate it. I'm not okay with it you know, I'm really not okay with it. And now, I don't know what to do. I really don't. It's all just easier said than done. I'm usually good with this sort of "dilemma". This is just one of those rare times when I am just not okay.