and it's your business...why?

You're 20 or 21 years old. You're in college, or are just finishing up. What do you do with your life? Go to grad school...start working...travel...relax...take some time to pursue some hobby of yours that you always dreamed of taking further...you can do practically anything. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you, and what you want to do is entirely your choice, right?

Hmm...

Well, that's how it should be. But social norms and nosy aunties and uncles and relatives can be obstacles. It seems as though once a girl hits a certain age, it's an absolute expectation that she begins to think about marriage. This is not to say it is a bad thing to get married [not that I have to justify myself with this statement], but it may not be what every single girl wants.

Until the age of 20-21, most people are dependant on their families and parents. They need help with college tuition, housing, etc. But it is after this point that they can finally consider themselves independent. Some people like this concept, and want some time to "live life" on their own, and experience things without having to make compromises and decisions while taking into account the needs and wants of another person. Is that such a crime?

I randomly bring this topic up just because it is something that has come up in conversation with more than one person, people of a variety of ages, and a topic of conversation (or argument) that has occured as recently as this morning.

The decision to have a married life should not be forced upon an individual. It is a decision he/she has to make on his/her own because he/she is the one who has to live with that other person for the rest of their lives, not anyone else.

I personally know people who have married just to please their families, or just because it is the "social norm", and are now miserable in their married lives. In fact, some of these people have done so much as to admit to me that they would have been happier alone, or happier marrying someone of their choice. Some people have married someone they chose, but only to find that life after marriage is very different from life before marriage, though the two people are still in it together.

Then again, there are those who are very happy in their marriage. I've been told by these people of feelings and moments and things that you cannot experience without being in a marriage, and it is not even something they can explain to me. It is only something I will see after I myself get married. What this even means, I can't be sure.

One girl I have known for years now, has been seeing a guy for about 3 years. Until being with him, she never cared much for marriage. Now, she wants to be married to him because she can see herself happy with him. If you can find something strong like that, that's wonderful. But again, shouldn't that be your choice?

I should add this disclaimer - my general views explained above on this issue do not necessarily mean I never want to get married. I do not want to get married now, and I honestly believe it should not be forced on someone. But personally, some day down the line (not right after finishing undergrad like the cookie cutter desi bride), I would like to get married. I see myself getting married sometime before the age of 30. But I will not settle. If that means I don't find the right guy by then, I will not settle for someone just because I need to get married. I want to have kids, and unfortunately women have a biological clock that makes it difficult to do so after a certain age. But my happiness is important too, and while I would want a guy who wants to marry me down the line, I would not risk being "stuck" in a marriage with someone I am not 100% committed to. Those of you who know me know how much I love kids, and personally, I would not have them without being married. That decision stems largely from the respect I have for my family. It would hurt them and break them if I had children out of wedlock, and I am not prepared to do that to the people who have been there for me from day 1, and who will continue to be there for me unconditionally. My biggest problem however, is that I just don't want someone telling me when that marriage should be happening, because it's just not their business. It's my business, and ultimately, the business of whoever I am serious about marrying, and something I would discuss 100% at that time with that person, when I am ready. That is on my terms, and my terms only.

I respect anyone who does not want to get married, and believe they have that choice, like I said earlier in my post. Nobody else should force that on someone - it is too big and too fragile of an issue to force on someone (unless you are in a relationship with that person, like I mentioned might be in my future case, in which case it is important to bring it up when you are ready to discuss it). But aside from the person you are with, nobody else should dictate to you or suggest to you how to lead that part of your life! I cannot emphasize enough how much I don't think it is much of anyone else's business if a person chooses to marry or not. If he/she does, that's fine, and if he/she doesn't, that also should be fine. It's absurd the number of arguments I have witnessed as a result of this topic. It goes right along with my post on rumors: when you have a busy life yourself, with barely enough time to handle everything you need to handle and do everything you want to do, why poke your nose in issues that don't have anything to do with you?


**1 month since my thaatha passed...**