Valentine's Day

So, it's February 14th. Valentine's Day. Honestly, I think the day is completely unnecessary and a whole bunch of bogus. No, I'm not a bitter, single woman saying that. My opinion on the day wouldn't change even if I was married.

Think about the "idea" of the day. Couples plan for days, maybe even weeks to surprise their sweethearts/loved ones with gifts and undivided attention for one day. One day. One day out of 365 days in a year. Does anyone else find that pretty ridiculous?

Seriously, you shouldn't have to go out of your way on one designated day to say "I love you" to someone. It all seems sort of silly. I feel the exact same way about Father's Day or Mother's Day for example. It's like saying, "Mom, dad, thanks for everything you've done for me all my life. I'm going to honour your role as my mother/father on this one day by purchasing a cheap gift that happened to be part of the Mother's Day/Father's Day sale at the mall because that's how thankful I am to you." Honestly, it seems pretty ridiculous.

And with that, Happy Valentine's Day.

yet again...

It's always bothered me. It's something I've never accepted. In fact, I hate it. "Hate" is a strong word. I know. I rarely use the word. This however, is one of those rare cases.

I kept quiet about it at first. Then I showed my dislike, and quite evidently too. Then, I said I would stop showing it. I kept it to myself. I tried to compromise with myself and I tried to "become okay" with it. For some reason though, I just couldn't come to terms. After trying to deal with it internally for so long, I'm beginning to realize no matter what I try, I'm never going to be "okay" with it. It's just one of those things that I feel so strongly about, there's no changing my mind.

But, if I can't come to terms with it, what kind of decision does that leave me to make? I hate letting this affect me so much, and frankly, there's no other way to stop it other than to "let go". But I can't seem to "let go" either. I don't want to "let go", but I can't keep going through this either.

I hate it. I'm not okay with it you know, I'm really not okay with it. And now, I don't know what to do. I really don't. It's all just easier said than done. I'm usually good with this sort of "dilemma". This is just one of those rare times when I am just not okay.

physically messed up

I'm not quite sure at the moment what my body is trying to do to me. It has been three weeks since I've slept properly. I've tried applying every possible "sleep" technique in the book. At least, I've tried applying every single technique I know of in the book. I'm not having my luck though. Half the time, I lie wide awake until 4 or 5 in the morning. Then, I try and force myself to sleep, only to wake up again shortly after either because I have to, or because I cannot sleep any longer. I'd call myself a narcoleptic, if it weren't for the fact that I am wide awake during the day. It's quite pathetic actually.

To top it off, I've lost my appetite. I find that I am rarely hungry, and I have to literally force food down my throat. I'm not quite sure what my body is going through, but whatever it is, it can't be a good thing.

Well, hopefully everything falls into place soon. Hopefully.