Hurricane Katrina

I've had a lot of concerned calls from friends and even people I haven't talked to in sometime, concerned as to whether or not I was affected by the vicious Hurricane Katrina. While it was passing through Louisiana and Mississippi, we had thunderstorms and severe rain, but nothing serious enough to cause a lot of damage to my home in Little Rock. Actually, several Louisiana and Mississippi residents fled to Arkansas, so many shelters and churches here are housing those people. The effects were devastating, as I am sure most of you have been following in the news.

I know someone who's relatives lived in New Orleans; their home has been destructed and none of their belongings are recoverable. It's such a tragedy that this suddenly happened to so many innocent people. And the deaths? They still do not know how many people have died.

I just hope that New Orleans will not become the next Pompeii...

I myself am actually worried, as I have a good friend in Baton Rouge who I had the chance to speak to just prior to the hurricane; now he has not been online for 2-3 days, nor is he available by phone (I called but due to lack of service/subscription...or something or other, it refuses to connect me)...so I resorted to the only other form of contact I had, email. However, this isn't reliable either, since, I only have his college email address, and he just recently transferred! I can only hope that I hear from him soon...

I am going to ask you all to pray for the safety of those who have so horribly been affected by this act of Mother Nature. For those of you who don't pray or believe in God, please hope for the well-being of these individuals.

Well, that's all for now. More to come later, as usual.

Serenity...

The air is thick and humid, and the heat itches against my skin. Not more than a slight breeze of semi-cool air whispers through the rich, green leaves. I am surrounded on all sides by trees, who's branches provide me with shade from the full, scorching sun. Not a single cloud shown in the sky, which is as blue as the little bluebird which chirps outside my window every morning. Every now and then, I see a crow flying through the little cracks in between the branches of the tall, massive, towering trees. The crows soar through the clear, endless sky, free as the wind which blows through my hair on a summer evening. Not a disturbing sound threatens the serenity and the beauty of the nature, by which I am engulfed.

To the right of me, a tall fountain gushes water high into the air, which rushes swiftly downward, giving me a liberated feeling. I close my eyes and breathe in the crispness of the air. The chirping of crickets remind me how free-spirited nature can be, doing what it pleases, and providing the world with a sense of mystery and adventure. I look down at the ground beneath me, to find a walkway of pebbles embedded in cement; beige, maroon, brown and white, tiny like a peanut, yet some as large as a toenail. Tiny ants, as small as maybe a few grains of salt, scurry along their little pathways, perhaps in search of food, or maybe, just wondering what this giant of a person (to them at least) was sitting here for.

I turn behind me to find an array of beautiful plants arranged neatly behind the tiny stone wall I sit atop. Each leaf is so intricate; although the base was green, symmetrical patterns of white, pink and red seemed almost as though they had been painted on, since they were almost too perfectly symmetrical.

To the left of me, a glistening caught my eye; a spider web has been woven in the center of four bushes. I found myself wondering how a spider could have structured something so unique and mathematically intricate!

I lift my head upwards and stare intently at the height of the trees in front of me. Green fungus-like moss had grown on some of the trunks, except, it wasn't a rich green like the color of grass, but rather, more of a turquoise green that you might imagine when thinking about seaweed in an ocean.

As I close my eyes one more time, I tilt my head towards the sun, drink it in, and smile.

How many of you have taken just 15 minutes out of your busy lives or out of just one day in your entire week, to step out of your homes or offices or apartments or dorms, and just sat still and observed nature working around you? I am sure not many of you have let such a thought cross your mind. Take just 15 minutes and go outside. Allow yourself to forget all the troubles opposing you in life; even if you have no blaring problems, stop constantly thinking about what needs to be done next. There are too many priceless and invaluable treasures around us, that most of us pay no attention to. Live in the moment. Enjoy it. Treasure it.

Back from Dallas...

A hearty "howdy" to ya'll! I'm back from Dallas :-).

It was a good trip; got a good feel for the cowboy land. Ate good food. Fun times.

My dad didn't fail to continue cracking corny jokes as usual. We went to Fort Worth, about 25 minutes from Dallas, where we came across a large building called the Fort Worth Live Stock Exchange. My dad looked at it, then proceeded to say, "You know, if a cowboy came up to New York, they'd go to the New York Stock Exchange thinking he could trade cows." Corny? Hmm...

We also saw the building and the room from which Lee Harvey Oswald supposedly fired the deadly shots killing President John F. Kennedy, as well as the exact spot the motorcade was when the shots were fired.

Anyway, we got back to Little Rock late last night. Many errands to run, so I will write more later. Oh and trust me...there is plenty to write.

You're only here once...

sach hai yeh bas ek baar milti hai zindagi
karvatein badalti hai pal pal yeh zindagi

har pal ko gale se hainske lagaa le
pal pal mein chupi jo khushiyaan churaa le

You only live this life once...

I realized that, as hard as life might be sometimes, it's really what you make it out to be. We have the choice to drown in our sorrows, or we have the choice to embrace it and continue living with our heads held high.

Sometimes, things might feel as though they will never get better no matter how hard you try, or how hard you press on for a better tomorrow. I so often used to think of the lyrics by the music group Linkin Park..."I tried so hard, and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall, to lose it all. But in the end, it doesn't even matter." Once upon a time, I believed in those. I really did feel that it did not matter how hard you tried, there was no end in sight. But I realized, in the end, it is always happening for a reason. And it DOES matter...every single thing we do, every drop of effort we put into something, has some effect in the end. I believe it is up to us to take it for better, or for worse.

I don't know about you, but I certainly want to take it for better. Even if it feels like the whole world is against you, know that there is always at least one person out there who truly does care for who you are. Listen to that person. For some, it might be a parent. For some, it's a best friend. Others, a trusted teacher. Some, a boyfriend...girlfriend...husband...wife...soulmate. And for everyone (who chooses to believe so)...there is God.

We will never be left alone to fend for ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, in some form or another, we have someone who believes in us. We were placed on this earth for a reason.

Embrace life, the good and the bad. We have one chance to live the lives we are in now. For those who believe in reincarnation, you will never have the same life twice. For those who do not, you only have one chance. Either way, make the most of what is presented before you. I trust that you will find it to be an eye-opener, once you are able to open your heart and soul to everything that surrounds you...

chak de sarre gum...cast off your sorrows...

Tokkar masti ho...be cheerful even when you face an obstacle...

There is always...always...a better tomorrow...in some way or form...

My Identity...?

Who am I? Who are you? Do you know who you are yet? Do you know everything you need to know?

I don't think I do...

My identity?...I don't have one yet....

St. Louis, MO

So, I got back late last night from St. Louis, Missouri after spending the weekend there. Sadly, I think I would have enjoyed it far more if it were not for the fact that I was with my parents and brother. I seem to feel that I would enjoy life far more if I were by myself rather than with them, which sadly, is not the way it should be!

Ah, well, what to do about it? Anyway, before I forget:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL GIRLS SURYA AND JYOTHI! I love you both soo much! MUAH! (August 14th)

Happy Belated Independence Day to all my Pakistani friends (August 14th)

Happy Belated Independence Day to all my fellow Indians! Jai Hind! (August 15th)

Ok, now that that's out of the way...

St. Louis overall was nice...we didn't get there until Saturday evening, after which we just relaxed in the hotel. We woke up early on Sunday morning to go into the city (we were staying in a hotel in Collinsville, IL, only about 14 miles from the city of St. Louis...it's practically on the border of Illinois and Missouri). We saw the infamous arch, of course, the gateway to the West. Turns out it's much bigger than I expected it to be :o). Pictures to come once I get them (I know I know, I've been saying that for everything and not one picture is posted...I promise they will come...eventually!). One thing I've realized; PEOPLE ALL OVER DON'T SEEM TO THINK I'M A DAY PAST 15! I was given the child's ticket ONCE again!! Goodness. I don't look THAT young now, do I? I suppose it will help me in the long run, when I'm 30, and look 20 :-D (hey there's a bright side to everything eventually, isn't there?) :o)

Anyway, Monday was spent at Washington University since my brother is a rising senior in high school, looking at universities and colleges to apply to. The university was certainly a beautiful one; yet it was very depressing to be there, only because of the mere reminder that I am a student at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, one of the very few universities across the nation that permits no prominent social life whatsoever. Sad.

Anyway, we left St. Louis at around 4:00pm yesterday afternoon, then began our drive back to Little Rock, AR. Unfortunately, along with getting lost several times at the beginning of our trip, as well as going on endless gas station searches in the middle of nowhere, we didn't arrive home until past 11:00pm. To make matters worse, I was quite sick suddenly, with an upset stomach. Unfortunately, that carried into today, and my stomach is still not very stable. Hopefully I will be ok by tomorrow!

Well, nothing else for now...good night everyone!

Excited...nervous...whoa...

Well, the news is finally safe to share with one and all...as most of you are aware, I have taken up writing as, what you might say, a second full-time job. My biggest project currently, was the novel that many of you may know I was working on.

A friend of mine had given me a contact for a movie director based in the New Jersey area, who asked me to write a script for him. To make a long story short (not getting into details here), things went sour between the two of us, and I asked to stop working with him. Prior to that however, he had listed my website (www.smrithi.vze.com) in his newsletter, which another movie director happened to see. After reading the short synopsis of my book in my website, he was intrigued and proceeded to contact me.

After several email correspondences, which led into phone conversations, he decided that he wanted to make my novel into a movie. A contract is being worked out for me to sign as soon as I return to New Jersey.

I am in a position to finally share this news with everyone; sad thing is, my parents do not know, and will not know, until I complete my writing. Prior to filming, I think they will feel as though I am getting distracted from studies and not focusing on "what's important" as they so might say. I've realized parents don't always know what's best for you, and I've come to the conclusion that in this case, what they don't know (for now) won't hurt them.

But it is finally official, and not only will I be publishing a book, but releasing a movie at the same time, in one shot. It's a crazy opportunity that I don't think I ever imagined I was capable of getting, but wow, I have it.

The soundtrack for the movie will be put together by Alok Saksena (www.saksenaonline.com) as well as some fusion tracks done by him and Raghuveer Ranganathan (www.raghu.echoz.com).

Other updates about the movie will be posted as and when they occur, obviously, but for now, you can check my website which will have immediately posted any new updates.

I think one thing can describe how I feel overall: overwhelmed. I'm excited, happy, confused, anxious, nervous, restless, shocked, thrilled, you name it, I feel it, all in one. I'm feeling a lot of pressure to get everything done faster, which is hard with everything else I'm trying to juggle, PLUS trying to write behind my parents' back. I suppose I'll figure out some way to manage it though, won't I?

Well, that's all for now ya'll...good night!

Helplessness...

I'm sure all of us, at some point or another, have been in positions where we just feel completely and utterly helpless. I think the most desperate feeling in the world, results from two different situations of helplessness.

Have you ever known so many things that you just can't do anything about them no matter how much you want to? There's just nothing, no matter how hard you try to come up with something, that you will be able to do to make a situation better. It's hard when either you find out about something or someone tells you something and you just don't know what to do with that information. At the same time, it might be something that's more horrifying than you have ever heard. And it just eats away at you. There's nowhere to go with it. That's "helplessness" situation number one.

Are you someone who is able to offer the best advice to everyone that comes to you? People trust you, and know that you will not go and say things to others about the information they entrust you with. They seek your advice, because they feel you are in a position and fully capable of helping them. That's all fine and dandy, but have you ever been in a situation where you are able to help everyone around you, but you aren't able to help yourself? Where did all that good advice go when YOU need it? It never comes to you when you need it for yourself. That's "helplessness" situation number two.

Recently, I have been in both these situations, more than once in the past week, and it's frustrating. It's a frustrating feeling, and there have been times that I have just wanted to rip my hair out.

But, at the end of the day, I know that tomorrow is a fresh start and I will feel a little better about everything going on. Eventually, I'll come up with ways to deal with situations beyond my control, and I'll figure out how to handle things going on with me. I suppose it's difficult because there are times that I just feel as though I should be able to handle everything that I am taking on. But you know, that isn't always possible. We are all going to fail at something at some point or another, and we need to just take that as a learning experience and move on. I am not responsible for everything that happens in this world, and neither is anyone else. I need to be able to accept that, and take things for what they are without feeling as though I should be doing something to make it better.

I guess that is something that will only come with a lot of time, and a lot of patience.

On another note...

I happened to go to Blanchard Springs Caverns this weekend, in the Ozark Mountains. It is one of the two most beautiful caverns in the world (the other is slightly further south from Dallas, Texas). My gosh, I didn't believe it until I entered...I guarantee, if you ever go there, you will be awe-inspired. One of the MOST beautiful places, literally, that I have ever seen in my life. I felt this aura just surround me, engulf me, and take me to an entirely different place. I will post the pictures up when I get them, so you can see for yourself how incredibly gorgeous this place was.

The only thing that was slightly frustrating, was the fact that the guy at the ticket counter took one look at me and said "one children's ticket..." and starts ringing it up. The children's ticket only qualified for those who were ages 6-15! I wanted to jump over the counter and beat him up...ok but I didn't...ooohh but I was NOT happy!!

Ah, well, anyway, that's all for now ya'll. Tomorrow will be a better day...

Dramatic Hinderances...

[in order to understand some of (but not all of) the contents of this post, you should be familiar with the contents of my last post :o)...]

It always amazes me how people can turn something that's not at all intended to be what they may think it is, into exactly that! (If that makes sense at all). I could make the most generalized statements, but they are somehow assumed to be directed towards a particular person, proceed to cause confusion, end up in argument, and a waste of time for both members!

My last post was not particularly directed towards any one person; however, it was possible for certain people to turn it into just that. Why create a situation that does not even exist? Is that necessary? Isn't it such a waste of time? Haha, I seem to think many things are a waste of time, don't I? But the thing is, it's true.

A greater portion of our lives than we choose to admit, is wasted away in blaming others, creating situations that cease to exist, or indulging in things that a) are not our business or b) are a waste of time.

It frustrates me when simple things are blown entirely out of proportion. I make general statements, that possibly, coincidentally, hit home. That, in NO way means I am advertising anything to the world about a particular person. My posts are always just going to be generalizations, things I have noticed, experienced, etc. If I specifically state a name of a person, then, well obviously, the post is about that person. But if I don't, just accept it for what it is: a pure rambling of my incoherent thoughts.

As for my last post: I was pleased with the response I received through various IMs or emails. I'm glad that the majority of you agree with me. Now I don't know if you were just saying that to please me, but I will choose to assume not; if those people really didn't agree with me, there was no need for them to IM me in the first place. So I was happy to see that the majority shared my views.

For those of you who didn't: my point was not to offend you in any way at all. It was just my personal viewpoint, along with my reasons for holding that viewpoint. If I offended anyone by saying what I did, well I am sorry that you found it offensive, but I don't apologize for writing that post. I do have the right to express my thoughts, and that is the purpose of any blog. I don't want to be fake here, so be forewarned that there may be things written that you don't agree with. Either discuss them with me in a mature manner, or choose not to read it. Nobody is forcing you to look at this. (And I don't mean to come across as "harsh" either...but know that I am who I am and that is exactly what you will see here).

Another clarification about my previous post: I was addressing things such as flings, "friends with benefits" (which I will never understand the logic behind), "relationships" into which both people enter, knowing that it will end after a certain period of time, etc. I was NOT addressing things such as relationships which have a possible future, but end due to unforeseen circumstances. I thought I had made this clear in my last post itself, but it seemed that there was some confusion amongst a few people, so I thought I would make it clear to anyone who may still be confused or may have merely misinterpreted my writing.

Just a small pointer: If a comment made to a general audience does not blatantly address you, DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU! I guarantee it will avoid a lot of discrepencies in the future. :o)

I think that after a certain point in time, it's almost impossible to mold the way a person acts, thinks, feels, etc. After the mid-teenage years, people are almost fully developed in terms of their actions. The way they react to certain situations, are most probably the way they will act throughout their life in other similar situations. Sometimes, it takes something horrible or drastic for some people to change the way they act; often times those drastic happenings are irreversible, no matter how much a person wishes it were. It's unfortunate, but it's true. And if that's what it takes for some people to mature, then so be it. But I sure hope that it does not have to reach that point for all people.

I've realized that all of us have fallen victim at one point or another for becoming angry with someone who is trying to tell us something for our own good. I admit it. I'm a stubborn girl who never accepts at first that I'm wrong. I have gotten angry many times at people who do care about me and point out a mistake I have committed. Sometimes, I realize when it is too late that these people were only pointing out the truth. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think that all of us, sometimes, just need to take a deep breath, and assess for ourselves the situations that we are currently in. At the end of the day, we need to go through in our minds all the things we did that day, the things we said, and compare them to what we know to be right and wrong, good and bad, etc. That way, the next time we get angry at someone who is telling us something only for our own good, we will have our own morals in sight.

Although I don't think this is true ALL the time, I think sometimes when we hide things from those who care about us, it is because we know it is the wrong thing to do. We know that if they try and advise us against it, it's because it really isn't in our best interest, we just don't want to be reminded of that.

Unfortunately, there are those who don't even think that. They truly believe that those who try and advise us are just out to get us and make our lives miserable and there is just no explanation for it. I have nothing to say to people like that.

I realize my thoughts are all over the place in this post, but I'm not going to bother going back and organizing them properly. All-in-all, my points are basically:

• don't create drama (unnecessary situations) that aren't already in existence...it saves a lot of time and energy.
• if someone makes a general comment, feel free to object, but do NOT take it personally and invite "pity" for yourself (by, for example, announcing to one person or even a group of people, that someone has wronged you, when that is not the case at all). Realize that differences in opinions do exist and nobody is out to attack you on purpose unless he/she outwardly says he/she is.
• When people who care about us try and tell us something that may not be what we want to hear, don't lash out and say something you will regret. Take it to be a honest, strong piece of advice that may prove to be helpful to us. I doubt they are telling it to us to ruin our lives!
• Sometimes, it is just impossible to drive a point across to someone. When this happens, DON'T blame yourself. You have most probably tried your best to help that person, and at that point, as hard as it might be for you to accept, he/she will just have to learn it the hard way. And when they do, and if it is through something you wish hadn't happened, don't blame yourself then either. It had to happen.

Drama just holds us back. Creating something that does not need to be there, wastes our time and energy, both of which can be put to use by doing something that will help us in some way or another.

As my last and final thought: COMMUNICATION IS KEY!! If you have a problem with something that someone said, HAVE A MATURE DISCUSSION ABOUT IT! Don't assume things, ignore that person, and make matters that much worse.

Well, I think I've just about covered everything that I was aiming to cover through this post. So, with that, I think I'll sign out for the day!

(Ironically, I fear I will have to make this clear as well, but no, this post is not directed towards any one person, so please do not assume so...just, as I mentioned earlier, a mere straggling of what exists in my mind).

temporary relationships...what's the point?

I know I'm going to have people IMing me left and right about this, because I know this post is going to prove to be controversial, but the point of this is to get my thoughts down, so here it goes.

More recently than ever before, I've been witnessing so many of these "casual" relationships that are started just for fun, for temporary satisfaction, and with no intention from either party to continue further beyond a certain time-frame.

Now, I know I'm no relationship expert, and I know I'm not the wisest person around, but for some reason, this idea makes no sense to me. Why get involved in several "short-term" relationships with another person, or even just ONE short-term relationship, if you go into it knowing it is not something that is going to last?

Some people say it's just for fun...others view it as a way to move past a previous heartbreak and divert their attention...some just "go with the flow".

I have problems with all these reasons. Sure, you can have your fun now; sure it may very well help you get over a prior serious relationship...and the most ridiculous in my opinion, sure you might be just "going with the flow", but do any of these people think of the effects of this in the future?

Sure, they go into the relationship expecting it to be short-term. But what IF, just what if, one person, or even both, become attached? The two people went into the relationship knowing it was something that could not last, and now they are in a position where they are unable to come up with a way to properly end it. Why put yourself through that?

What is the philosophy behind this? Is it purely sexual? Or does that have at least a small part in the action? Personally, I feel that is immature. We should be able to control those "urges" to a level and think with our minds. What do these temporary relationships do for us later?

Some people say "they give me the experience I need". The experience for what? So all those people who find that one person and stay with that one person through their lives with no prior experience are all idiots? What do you need experience in? When people have children, they don't "gain experience" prior to it. They don't learn how to be parents until the moment that child is given birth to. It is an entire learning experience. Why can't relationships be the same?

It's one thing to be in a serious relationship which ends due to unforeseen circumstances, and then become involved in another serious relationship that you actually see going somewhere. But flings? short-term relationships? Purely sexual relationships? I don't get it.

It's just been bothering me because people around me who are close to me are starting to cross too many boundaries that I don't think is healthy for them.

Yes, I know, I'm going to get yelled at by quite a lot of people for posting this. But you know what? That doesn't bother me. This is my opinion, and that's not going to change. For those of you who know me well, you know I'm a conservative girl who has strong beliefs in certain issues, so this post will not come as a surprise to most of those people.

I just don't get it; I'd rather spend my time trying to find someone who is more viable to be a long-term/life-long partner, than someone to just "mess around" with temporarily. To me, it seems like a pure waste of time.

Now, off for a day in the caverns in the deep mountains of...Arkansas. Haha.

Random blabber...

After four weeks of strenuous hard labor, about a few hours everyday, some days even more than that, I have FINALLY finished my sculpture of Mahalakshmi, paint and all. And I have to admit, not bad at all for a) the timeframe I had available to me (since 4 weeks is the longest period of time I had access to the studio), and b) for my first time sculpting ever. I'll post a picture whenever I take one.

I'm still in pain, but it was welllll worth it :o)

I thought it was the funniest thing when just two days ago, my mother happened to walk over to me and say "Smrithi, don't do anything anymore because you think it will please me. Just do what it takes to please yourself and make yourself happy." Then, today, she starts yelling at me that I didn't do this the way she wanted or that the way she wanted, or I never apologized for this, and I haven't done that...it's so great that nothing she says adds up. It's so hypocritical to tell me not to do things just to please her, but then to still demand so much out of me. It's fine if she wants to demand all that, be my guest. But don't tell me just before that to specifically not worry about what she wants, but do what I want. Man, I was really counting on that to be the end of her screaming at me! I guess not haha.

It just hit me that it's already into the first week of August. Summer's almost gone? Already? That's pretty insane! It's scary sometimes how quickly time passes...you don't realize it sometimes until it has all passed, and then you can't go back and do all those things you wanted to get done by the time you realized all that time has passed...make sense? haha.

Hmm...what else...

countdowns:
TWO days till Raghuveer, Rasika and Viji Aunty are back on the same continent as I am haha
TEN days till Surya and Jyothi turn 19!! (and also Pakistan's Independence day)
ELEVEN days till India's Independence day
GOD KNOWS HOW MANY days till I come back to the northeast...my parents just keep making this south trip longer and longer with all the places they want to visit after I finish work and my brother finishes research...blahhhhhh

Speaking of the northeast, that reminded me of something I noticed...up north, folks don't give two cents about each other; the only thing that's important is your own well-being and that's it. Down south, I've met some of the friendliest people I've come across in my whole life! For the first time, I found people willing and ready to help me with whatever I needed without expecting a thing back. And that's not just one or two people; that's a HELLUVA lot of people...almost everyone I've met down here so far. And I'm not talking about just small little favors here and there...I'm talking about things that would take hours of committment. I had four people offer to drive my sculpture home for me and set it up in my apartment here because it was too heavy. One of those people is a working, going to school, has two kids, and keeps house at the same time. The second person is also married, working and going to school, and has a newborn at home to deal with. The third person is a doctor who is constantly on call. The fourth person is 21, goes to school during the day, works all night, sleeps just a couple hours a day, and has no time for anything else. All four of these people have NO time in any of their schedules for anything, but are ready and willing without hesitating ONCE to help me with my sculpture. I was dumbfounded! Who does that up north?! I've never met one person, that's for sure. And that's not the only thing...if I started on all the things they helped me out with, I'd never stop. Really friendly people :o)

Ok, enough of my blabbering haha. Time to head back to work! Adios ya'll!

Overwhelmed...(and in pain)

I can think about very little at the moment, besides the fact that I feel like my arms are about to fall right off of my body. After work today, I headed straight to my studio where I'm working on my sculpture and hammered and chiseled for something like 6 straight hours. So, although I got let out a couple hours early from work, I had one of the longest days of my life.

Although, I'm not complaining at all. As most of you know, I'm more "artsy" than anything else...whether it be music or writing or drawing or painting, and now, sculpting. I hope the outcome is worth the incredible amount of effort I am putting into it! My arms were so dead, that it was an effort just to pick up this crummy laptop and place it on my lap, and an even greater effort to type this right now.

Ok enough about my arms. As it turns out, it seems as though I will be down south a little longer than expected. I was hoping to return to New Jersey around the 12th of August so I could make it in time for Surya and Jyothi's birthday (and possible plan something for them) and make it to the India-day parade for independence day, etc. But, as luck would have it, my parents want to go to Dallas and St. Louis, Missouri (God only knows why)...so I probably won't be able to hang out with anyone before ya'll go off to school. Sad :o(

In other thoughts...

Have any of you ever felt as though whatever you do is just not good enough? I feel like I have pressure from too many ends, and even moreso, from myself. And I feel sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I'M not even happy with my accomplishments, so then, how can anyone else be happy with them?

I know, I know, it's a silly thought...but I know it happens to me, and to everyone else, more often than we would sometimes like to accept. I think a lot of us put so much pressure on ourselves that our best isn't even good enough for us...so then is it really our best? Shouldn't our best be something that we are satisfied with?

Gosh haha, I think my head is too muddled up right now and heck, I'm just in wayyy too much pain to think anymore haha.

That's all for now; I'll update this later :o)